tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76130322677349024372024-03-17T11:59:58.552-07:00Ashley AvenuUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-32783013659502790302023-03-05T17:10:00.008-08:002024-02-07T16:22:49.233-08:00God's Forgotten Daughter<div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="839" data-original-width="1284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_lMiDLHYuRO-f4Mg1P-7D1E_vtfF1YBOJzHkdOXE5Xz78NSapnb89A-9TAQiEoq-Y6UbAkKQ8GUTvv76G5g-958Ns-fP1j5rFAx3Njruvbbr8fl43Fp0nCIdJr0RWax5GYxG4Uesjsf0WoX3JQFRlSOF4LQL4OORbAHZYTMqWNIIONx1xsOfa-qw7g/s16000/GFD.jpg" title="ashleyavenu.com" /></div><br />After two months, this post is finally seeing the light of day. It was originally written right after New Year's but wasn't posted when I thought it was finished because I felt God wanted me to keep revisiting what was said, to really articulate the message he wanted me to get out. Although this is primarily based off of the way that I am feeling, and it may be too vulnerable, or even a little too personal, no matter how much I really wanted to keep my thoughts and extremely vulnerable state to myself, God wasn't going for it. He literally would not get this off my mind until it was written (in full) and shared. This is also a form of therapy for me and considering I no longer have my therapist since relocating, this is the best way to not suppress my feelings. </div><div><br /></div><div>For as long as I can remember, I have been a lover of love... and I think that comes entirely from the way that I was raised. I come from a very affectionate and loving environment<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: 14px;">— </span>raised off immense verbal and physical notions of love. This is the main reason why I always state that I was born a lover girl, because it's true. However, love outside of family and friends hasn't quiet agreed to love me back. There has been one thing that I have always been so sure of and that is being a mother. I knew that eventually when the time was right, I wanted to have a family one day. Fast forward to present day and I find myself in my thirties, single, and deciding to remove myself from the dating pool. I'm not jaded, it's a personal choice, but I won't lie and say that I'm not discouraged. Dating for me has been a disaster (maybe that's a bit dramatic) and one reading this may come to believe that, if I'm having that much trouble, I <i>have </i>to be the problem. I don't believe that to be true, but dating has been a cycle of disappointment for sure. I've gotten to a point in life where I'm seeing my girlfriends around me embarking new milestones in womanhood and creating their lives and families of their own, and naturally wonder when it will be my turn. When will the cycle finally break and why does it seem like I have the hardest time in this one particular area of life? </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm being 1000% transparent right here when I say sometimes, I feel like God's forgotten daughter. I believe he places desires in our hearts for a reason... but I don't know maybe I misunderstood this one? I (and others) remind myself to be patient but in the same thought, question if what I want is truly in the cards for me. I believe I am a kindhearted person and live by treating others with respect and integrity, and most of the time loyalty that is one sided<span face="Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: 14px;">—</span> yet I'm the main person being let down and disappointed over and over again. It goes two ways: meet someone who doesn't know how to value you or meet someone who isn't ready to fully receive you. I'm very intentional with relationships that I welcome in my life and always have been that way. It takes me a while to truly feel like I want to be with someone and I'm selective, which has only increased with age. I never imagined that someone as genuine, loyal, and loving as I am, would be in the space that I'm currently in and I hate reaching an emotional state where I begin to question myself as a woman. Which is why I have removed myself from dating altogether because to be completely honest, I'm tired and I need a detox from any and everything romantic. I'm not sure why it seems to be so hard to date in this generation, but it definitely appears that very few people value meaningful connections and relationships in the manner that I do. Apart from connections simply not working out or being the right fit for me, there is so much cheating, "sneaky linking", and deceitfulness going around that really makes you not even want to put forth the energy to try to date. Coming across someone with the same morals and respect that you have, who will appreciate you (without them having to spin the block on you after treating you poorly), is like finding a needle in a haystack and makes marriage seem like an even harder feat.</div><div><br /></div><div> I have stood firm throughout my dating and relationship experiences; and very clearly make it known to value me while you have me, and I won't budge from that, which is also why I feel my dating experiences hit a bit harder emotionally. If "one and done" was a person, it is me. I do not desire my romantic foundation to be the byproduct of anything I had to heal from, and this is no shade to anyone who has made the decision to forgive, continue relationships or build marriages with someone who they worked through trials with, but I don't want that for me. I have never been one to go backwards, only forward. I know that there is someone out there who will cherish and have my best interest at heart, and I want that for myself... but ironically, sometimes I also feel like the way I move hinders that in some way. There have been times where I felt like maybe I should just try to work things out with this person, and we all know we get in our head about men who continue to circle back to you, like there must be a reason for it, but then I'm always quickly met with memory of how I was treated... and I worked through so many really hard and trying moments to heal and rebuild myself from it, that accepting someone back feels like a betrayal to myself. I will state though, it doesn't make me ignore the fact that people can change, but I guess I have always been willing to cut my losses because I know what I want and what I'm worthy of... and once I choose you, it's only you... and nothing in this world can sway my loyalty ... so I can't blame myself for wanting that in return. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know someone reading this is probably like <i>"girl, just stay patient and love yourself"... </i>how many times have I heard that suggestion before? I do love myself, a lot... but that doesn't dismiss the normalcy of desiring partnership. I can love myself all I want and bask in my season of singleness, but at the end of the day<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: 14px;">—</span> I still want to be a mom, a wife, and see my parents as grandparents. </div><div><br /></div><div>However, recently I had to really sit with myself and turn inward, to better understand why this desire is so strong and what the real root cause of it is. It's clear that God doesn't see me fit for that season of life yet and it takes work to accept it. I'm a person who tends to put others before myself, not because I lack boundaries<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: 14px;">—</span> but genuinely out of being selfless... and perhaps this is a season where God is sending me sign after sign, telling me that this is the period to pour back into myself. How can he possibly keep allowing me to pour so much into others to where I eventually begin to neglect pouring into me? You know growing up in church, there's this hyper fixation and emphasis of marriage and finding a husband, to where it translates into an unintentional status of worth... and I'll admit deep down that lingered with me. See, because of the constant let downs, being cheated on, ghosted at times, or pursued with no real intent, you begin to place marriage on a pedestal<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: 14px;">— </span>because if I'm someone's wife then I must be worthy right? Because he <i>chose </i>me. I don't think people take notice how easily marriage and being a wife can become an idol. That's when I realized that my desire for marriage partially stemmed from wanting a stable relationship for once and marriage screams stability from the outside looking in. Now coming to this realization, I remember how I lost myself in a relationship in the past. I found myself withdrawn further and further away from my relationship with the Lord and placing my relationship with my boyfriend at the time, at the forefront. I began to do things with a <i>"we" </i>mindset, without even discerning if that was the man God handpicked to be my purpose-mate. So, while watching a sermon the other day, it was stated that "God can't trust you with anything that you put before Him."... and often times we make our own plans and life changing decisions with people God never intended for us to have longevity with, they were sent to highlight the work he still has to do in you. We make plans with people that diverts the original plan God has... and sometimes the consequences place us in a completely different direction than he intended. With acknowledging that, I also had to acknowledge that the sermon spoke truth... how can God trust me with marriage right now, when I have so easily placed the desire for it before my relationship with him? </div><div><br /></div><div>yes, I indeed felt attacked lol... there's so much truth to it though. Women are taught to believe that marriage is the end all be all, the ultimate relationship. The elevation that one status is placed over the other is damaging, and constantly hearing statements like "why are you single?", "I'm surprised no one has snatched you up yet", or there's someone trying to play matchmaker and introducing you to their nephew or grandson because of the simple fact you both happen to be single, and if you are a woman within my age range, you begin to hear "you better hurry and settle down so you can have kids, you aren't getting any younger" but also forbid having a child out of wedlock.. all of these things drive your brain to start believing that "I need to be married" because there is always a focal point placed on it. Is marriage a good thing? yes... but it is not the ultimate relationship we should be seeking. My fixation on dating, marriage, and eventually wanting children one day was ultimately making me begin to doubt God with my "unsuccessful relationships"... and with each disappointment of a failed romantic attempt, I was losing sight of what a season of singleness truly is. Right now, is the time for me to keep learning about myself, to sit with the reality that I am in a completely different state of mind in terms of what I value and practice and ultimately, this isn't the time for me to potentially welcome someone in who could compromise that. My feelings matter just as much as the next person, and I have often (on many occasions) disregarded that. Whenever the time comes, I want to be with the right person, but I cannot properly discern that while looking over the inner work that I still have left to do, so that I am the right person in return... and although I have great qualities, I still come up short. There are areas that still have to be worked through and need a lot of care, that only I can mend, but most importantly there is life to be lived and enjoyed solo, without someone else needing to share it with me. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm going to end this with a script from a song that came on while commuting to work the other day when I was really in my feelings lol. It said:</div><div><br /></div><div><blockquote>"You know, at some point, you just have to let go, surrender and say, "I don't know what I'm doing, God, tell me what to do again" and I used to be frustrated with that because it's like man, haven't you been here already? Haven't you said this before? I used to be frustrated with that but now I've realized that, at each level, or in each different space, there's another level of surrender, and it's greater space that I can give the Lord in my situation." - Naomi Raine x Let Go (Car Chat)</blockquote></div><div><i> </i></div><div>Seasons are designed intentionally for us. So, with that being said, I'm surrendering my feelings that I have been forgotten about by God and accepting that although friends around me have reached the stages that I desire to experience, I am not behind or running out of time<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">—</span></span> and he remembers me. We often place timelines on our life, even when we intend to stop, but God is an intentional God, steadfast, and acts quickly with his alignment. Just because I feel like I'll have a child late contingent of the dating experiences I have had, doesn't mean that he won't act and make things move just like that (visualize a snap, I snapped lol). It can happen late or quicker than I expect<span face="Roboto, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: 14px;">—</span> but whichever one it is, I accept it. I'm surrendering. Most of all, I hope anyone reading this and feeling the way I do restores their hope and continues to trust in the work he's doing behind the scenes, because he remembers you too. Enjoy your season of being single and do everything you have ever wanted to do, because one day you will no longer have the luxury or the freedom to think of just<i> you </i>and always remember that God's greatest attribute is love. Everything that is listed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is everything you deserve and anything less than that in return has to go. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><i>with love, </i></div><div>ash. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1Long Beach, CA33.7700504 -118.1937395-18.377385938569532 171.4937605 85.917486738569536 -47.881239500000007tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-39763057604891511672020-11-27T11:13:00.042-08:002024-02-07T16:25:11.446-08:00Twenty-Nine Life Lessons I Learned by 29.<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX2yv5x6SttKwCwPW5CTjQ1zgexjPIsqSX9AUQFXwqCgEqM3u0EpEsNm7ipeQ3tcX-nQs73PmdVft_W6GQA5l3SJOKi71kvGTftUMff_M1fSwGN782ByqjClLNW7Ts4CRfsfFpWlQleQ_t/s2048/Facetune_05-08-2020-13-23-09.JPG" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0px;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1385" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiX2yv5x6SttKwCwPW5CTjQ1zgexjPIsqSX9AUQFXwqCgEqM3u0EpEsNm7ipeQ3tcX-nQs73PmdVft_W6GQA5l3SJOKi71kvGTftUMff_M1fSwGN782ByqjClLNW7Ts4CRfsfFpWlQleQ_t/d/Facetune_05-08-2020-13-23-09.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>I was supposed to write this around my birthday, almost three months ago, but never got around to it. My entire blog has documented the growth I've had from twenty-four to now, twenty-nine years old. I tried my best to compile a list of the most important lessons from my 20's. I like to believe I gained a lot of wisdom up to this point. So here we go!</div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1. <b>You already have what you need to fill your own cup.</b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This is the most important mindset to have. Truly believing that you are capable of providing yourself with whatever you feel you lack is imperative to your self-esteem. I always like to tell myself that "I lack nothing" because I honestly believe that. Even if I do, my mindset will eventually garner what's presumed to be missing for me. It also allows me to stay present and grateful for all that I have right now. Our flaws are our best attributes because they continuously challenge you to look within and grow.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">You have everything you need, use it. </p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2.<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><b>Change is okay. Uncomfortable, but once adjusted—worthwhile. </b></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I can say that I have gotten a lot better at being reluctant to change. Honestly, I wouldn't even say I'm reluctant because I like and appreciate change, I'm just very careful when making changes. I can be a very analytical thinker at times, everything that I do or plan to do is always pre-calculated to make sure that I am making the best move. Although this isn't a characteristic of mine that I can just turn off, fully embracing unfavorable situations has contributed a lot to how I view transitions in my life. A much younger me didn't know how to handle the uncomfortable feelings change brought, but a much wiser me appreciates how flexible and fluid I am now when needing to adapt. It's loosened my need to control everything and move with the shifts. Change is what we need, welcome it, no matter how it looks. </span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">3. <b>You never truly know who you are, you get snippets of evolution that soon fade away by continuous growth. </b></span></p></div><div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div><div>I always find it a little entertaining when I see younger women in their early to mid-twenties being so sure how their life will be. You see a lot of "<i>I'm going to be or do XYZ before I'm 30"</i> or <i>"I refuse to be Xyz at 30".</i> </div><div><br /></div><div>and believe me, I get it. I had that mindset too in my early to mid-twenties. That mindset also caused me a lot of internal conflicts when my romanticized life and my reality didn't mirror each other. I look back at who I was at 23, 25, and even 27. I'm sure I won't be the first or the last person to tell you that, I had no clue what I was doing or even who I was at every single one of those ages. Yes, even two years ago. Everything I wanted was based on what society pressured me to want and a lot of egos. I competed a lot during those years, playing the comparison game, trying to keep up and portray my life how I thought it should be. A lot of need for validation in the way my life looked, rather than how it felt. I wanted the booming career, the recognition, the relationship, and everything else you think is supposed to make your life fulfilled. </div><div><br /></div><div>The truth of the matter is, you can't possibly possess it ALL, so young, when you're still figuring yourself out. I thought I wanted to be a sports journalist, on tv and married by 30. My reality now: I'm working in Special Education/Mental Health, going back to school, a year shy of 30, and clearly not married. I share that because we often make ourselves feel guilty for not sticking to our initial plans for our life when really, all we're doing is accepting the evolution and lessons that are introducing us to our best self. I'm happy that the career that I wanted didn't pan out the way I saw fit and the relationship that I believed was forever, ended. These are all lessons that contribute to your highest self... and it's going to take a lot of them to get you there. So, my advice is to just live your life and stop putting restrictions, and time caps on what may be vital for you. Don't rush to have it all before 30. Enjoy where you are, we all are in different stages, but embrace where God has positioned you and trust that He will exalt you, and your life at the perfect time. Live and truly experience life, stop placing so much pressure on how it <i>needs</i> to be.</div><div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">4. <b>Don't let someone else's trauma become your baggage. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>This is a case of<i> things I wish I would have learned earlier</i>, especially as an empath. Having a huge heart can be a blessing and a curse sometimes. However, you can't carry a load that isn't yours. You will suffocate yourself always being there for others or accepting too much of someone else's mess out of the kindness of your heart and the sake of "being there". </div><div><br /></div><div>You need boundaries, boundaries are your friend. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">5. <b>My love is unconditional with conditional terms. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">I love hard and prefer longevity over temporary experiences. However, as I've grown... I've realized that people want your love to be unconditional</span><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">—</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> no matter how badly they treat you, and if you don't allow them to mistreat you and stick around, then you aren't a "ride or die". That is not my definition of unconditional love at all and never will be. See, the love I give is unconditional because I do not hold back. I give it my all and dive in, wholeheartedly. I am my most vulnerable when in love and if nurtured right, there is no limit to how hard I will go for you. There are conditional terms, though. My love is pure, calm, reassuring, passionate, and intense</span><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">— </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">that requires the same energy to be poured back in. The depths of my love will never be seen when disrespected and cannot assist in making the person on the receiving end the best version of themselves, if not appreciated. So, I love, but I will never be a fool for love. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">6. <b>Do not rush back to school to find yourself. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Yes, I said what I said.</div><div><br /></div><div>I graduated in 2015 with an undergrad degree in Organizational Communication with an emphasis in Public Relations. Life was exciting and looking up. Then as I started to job search, reality hit. The aching realization that life post-grad wasn't anything like they advertised to us. So, what's the first thing I think to do when nothing is working out? Go to graduate school, so I started to apply. I decided to go to journalism school, which was fine, but the preparation wasn't really there. I just knew I needed to fix not being able to find a job that fit, and it was probably because I needed my Master's. Luckily for me, I got denied from graduate school, and I say luckily because it would have been the biggest mistake. </div><div><br /></div><div>Once I got denied, I thought my whole world was over lol. It felt like that was the direction God was pushing me toward and I didn't understand why he'd play me like that... but he knows our heart and intention. Being a student-athlete for basically, my whole life, made me struggle with my identity outside of sports. So, the reasoning behind me wanting to seek out journalism school was because I do love writing and storytelling, but also because I never took the time out to relate to anything else other than sports, that's obviously what I thought I should be doing.</div><div><br /></div><div>Not getting into grad school in 2017 allowed me to move through so many unclear seasons of my life. It navigated me through many different jobs and fields that didn't make me feel any ounce of purpose. I took my time to let God place me where I felt the most fulfilled, instead of forcing my life to make sense and rushing to get a degree to back it. I wanted to make sure whatever I pursued was my calling, no matter how long it took to find it, and I refused to get myself in debt trying to figure it out. That was the smartest thing I did. </div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">7. <b>Live by yourself for as long as possible before welcoming your relationship under one roof. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Whew, this one here. I have only done this once, but I probably won't ever do it again. When you're in love, it seems like the move. Being with your significant other 24/7 sounds great. You feel like your relationship is really taking serious steps. I can't tell you what to do, but at 29, I'm holding on to my solo space as long as it possibly makes sense. Younger women, please do not force and rush this experience. A good majority of the men you are dealing with do not have the mental maturity to be taking care of them as a girlfriend. Enjoy your separate spaces, there is nothing wrong with that. You'll thank yourself for it.</div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">8. <b>Never ignore the repetitions of behavior. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">This one is pretty self-explanatory, when someone shows you who they are the first time, please believe them. Red flags are red for a reason. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">9. <b>You don't need to build with a man. Fall back and let him build himself. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Ah, yes. If I could tell younger Ashley this with a megaphone, I would. No clue who suggested women be the architect for men who barely even know themselves, but it's the ghetto. It is not your job to pour all that you have into someone that cannot do it on their own. That should be the first indicator that the pendulum is not equally leveled. You can't build a man; he has to build himself. You can't provide the entire structure to the foundation. I think as women, we get so caught up in loving the man in our life and wanting to prove that we are there through thick and thin, without realizing we are either doing ourselves a disservice in what we are receiving, leaving very little to pour back into ourselves, or not creating an identity of our own. Sometimes, it's all three simultaneously. To keep it a buck with you, a l<span style="font-family: inherit;">ot of men have the time on their hands to sit and waste time because most haven’t come to terms with who they are in full capacity. They're just going through the motions with no real plan. If I can tell you one thing about these men, it's that they aren't going nowhere. As for me, I have things to accomplish and I'm not sitting around waiting for anyone to see or realize how much value I bring to the table. I am the table, period. The house and the car in the garage too. So, it's either you meet me where I'm at or get left</span><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">—</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> with no hesitation. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">10. <b>Private, lowkey, and out of the mix is the best way to be. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Everything that I love and value I keep sacred. Ironically, I truly love out loud when it comes to my romantic relationship. Now that I am older though, experiencing what I've gone through relationship-wise, it's important to understand the difference between secrecy and privacy. However, at 29, and having the opportunity to experience what I once believed to be love, I want to hold the real thing so much closer than I did before, even as a loud lover<span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">— </span><span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">but nothing is hidden, it's just an experience cultivated entirely for me and my significant other, without the need for all the extras.</span> </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">11. <b>Revoking people's access to you for your own peace of mind does not make you petty, incapable of communicating, or immature. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Short and sweet: if it costs you your peace, it is too expensive. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">12. <b>Sometimes you need to relocate to elevate. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>I believe everyone should move away from their hometown at least once. There is so much out in the world for you to get ahold of, but you'll never know staying where you're most comfortable. Taking the leap is sometimes the push you need. Personally, I have done it twice. I moved to Los Angeles from my small hometown in Fresno and lived there for about six years, then I moved to Michigan, and I'll probably move one more time before I settle down. The amount of growth you experience is unbelievable. I 10/10 recommend. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">13. <b>You won't always live up to your own expectations and that is perfectly okay. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Life will not go the way we envision it, but it's the way we adapt to how it's unfolding that truly makes a difference. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">14.<b> It's a lot easier to find someone to fill up space and harder to find someone worth sharing a spot in your life. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div>This lesson I owe to my mother for instilling in me as a teenager. I remember vividly, the first time I ever got my heart broke in high school, and my mom telling me to sit with how I felt. She encouraged me to get my mind off of the hurt and focus on everything else I had going on in my life like sports, my friends, and family. At sixteen, she taught me the value of learning how to be alone without feeling the need to have someone fill up space for temporary fulfillment. That ended up carrying over into adulthood. I've only had three relationships throughout my twenty-nine years of life because I know how to enjoy being alone. I've never jumped from relationship to relationship, and if my relationship ends<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124;">— </span><span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124;"><span>I turn all of the emotions that I feel toward myself. We all want love and companionship, yes, but I'm not desperate to have anyone in my life just for the sake of not being alone for a period of time. I honor being patient and only entertain someone when I feel ready. I don't force anything before it's time and that's rare. I will forever thank my mom for embedding this in me. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">15. <b>When you tolerate the bare minimum, that is what you will receive, when you don't tolerate it</b></span><span face="arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">—</span><b style="font-family: inherit;"> better will come. Never hesitate to deny what isn't for you. </b></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yeah, you're going to come across a lot of situations that teach you what you should and should not tolerate. A lot of times, you'll know better but your heart will overrule your mind. Just move through it. We all have to learn. Eventually, you cut out the dead weight and place yourself in the right position to receive what you deserve. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">16. <b>Leave men exactly where you found them. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>I think this one is pretty self-explanatory lol. Do what you have to do and don't look back, guarantee he'll still be where you left him. Don't let anyone overstay their time in your life and block your blessings. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">17. <b>Taking time for yourself and eliminating dating makes a world of difference. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Also, self-explanatory. Not putting a focus on dating for a while and going after everything you want is the best thing you can possibly do for yourself. You learn a lot about yourself and what you want out of life. Highly recommend. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">18. <b>Experience people in the manner that God sends them to you, instead of the way you want them in your life.</b></span><b style="font-family: inherit;"> </b></div><div><b style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></b></div><div>Often times, we overextend ourselves to try and keep people in our lives longer than we actually should. A good majority of the experiences that God sends are lessons, learn, and grow from it. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">19. <b>You deserve someone who is certain of the significance you hold in their life and acts on it. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">Please, don't waste your 20's trying to convince people to see what you are worth. Do not shrug off what doesn't sit right with you. If you can reciprocate everything you require, don't settle until you see and feel that. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">20. <b>Always remain exclusive. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>You owe it to yourself to uphold the privilege one gets to know you. Everyone is not worthy, be selective always. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">21. <b>Everyone that crosses your path won't be the "one". </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Secretly questioning if the new person you've been seeing could be "the one" does more harm than help. It turns into a cycle, constantly trying to gatekeep. Honestly, a good majority of the time the experience is simply just that<span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">— an experience. We place too much pressure on dating, searching for the "one" we're supposed to end up with, rather than enjoying the time and people for what it is in that moment. Dating to marry is fine, but dating to gatekeep to find who you may or may not marry is a whole other story. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">22. <b>Don't let anyone get comfortable enough to think they can treat you like you're regular. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>If you don't treat yourself that way<span style="background-color: white; caret-color: rgb(32, 33, 36); color: #202124; font-size: 16px;">—</span> no one else should. Set the tone for how people interact with you. Make the treatment you expect very clear. As a high-value woman, you are in control of your life, and you must stand by that standard to naturally attract what you already exude. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">23.<b> Romanticized versions of people make you ignore hella red flags. </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div>Most of the time, the reasons we no longer deal with people were all shown to us in the beginning, but we didn't <i>want</i> to pay attention to it. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">24. <b>Wine solves just about everything. </b></span></div><div><br /></div><div>Truth be told, don't underestimate it. </div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">25.<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Rejection is always redirection.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">God will never take without plans of replacing it with something better. Always remember that. There have been so many times in my life where I felt like God was rejecting me, only to find the redirection was better than what I originally wanted. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">26. </span><b>Speak life into what you want.</b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>Words hold so much power. I like to eliminate the word "if" because it leaves too much space of uncertainty for me. I say "when" to affirm that it will happen and "I am" to confirm what I want to see myself as. Everything that I have manifested in the last year was used with this practice.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><u>for example </u></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #d5a6bd;"><b>When</b> </span>I get into grad school</div><div><b><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When</span></b> I pass my board exam</div><div><b><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When</span> </b>I reach six-figures </div><div><br /></div><div><b><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">I am</span></b> living a life of luxury.</div><div><span style="color: #d5a6bd; font-weight: bold;">I am </span><span>accomplishing</span> and obtaining everything I want.</div><div><b><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">I am</span></b> successful.</div><div><b><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">I am</span></b> comfortable. </div><div><b><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">I am</span></b> happy.</div><div><br /></div><div>27. <b>It doesn’t matter what someone told you if they showed you differently. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>Never hold on to someone's words too closely when their actions don't support it. </div><div><br /></div><div>28. <b>Withdrawal is the only response you need. </b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div>People know when they offend you, and they knew when the offense took place. You soon learn to stop giving them room to explain themselves with excuses and no accountability. If you can't get the decency of consideration, there's nothing to really even get to the bottom of. Remove yourself and let them figure it out on their own. </div><div><br /></div><div>29. <b>Falling out of love is perhaps more powerfully significant than falling in love. </b></div><div><br /></div><div>You'll know exactly what I mean once you experience it. </div>
<p style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 13px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1Kentwood, MI42.8694731 -85.64474919999999314.559239263821155 -120.80099919999999 71.179706936178846 -50.488499199999993tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-89377312424792094162020-03-18T12:41:00.008-07:002024-02-07T16:25:45.778-08:00This One Goes Out to Healing. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I haven't touched my blog in exactly a year and two months. I never planned on stepping away from it this long, but life threw a curveball that was a little harder for me to bounce back from, it cut deeper than the usual hiccups I'm used to encountering. To be honest with you, I've contemplated even writing this post for over five months now, each time feeling like it's not the right time to share about something so special and sacred to me. However, I'm learning (yes, still learning), that I don't have to disclose the most painful parts in detail to get the message across. I've used this platform for a good portion of my twenties, and a lot of you have been around to see multiple pieces to my story grow and die when it no longer served its purpose in my life. So, in an instance, this chapter is no different.<br />
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Five months ago, I was the happiest woman I could possibly be. I was in a new state and just started my new job, ready to step into this brand new element of my life that was filled with so much hope and excitement. Part of that reason? My relationship was no longer long distance. All of the plans we made would finally be able to come to fruition because we were finally together. Career and love life were at an all-time high for me. However, things didn't quite go as planned, which seems to be a reoccurring theme within my journey (lol).. and the relationship ended. Four years, gone. My emotions were all over the place, especially because it was so sudden. All I could really think about was the fact I had just uprooted my life primarily for someone I cared deeply about, and now in a space where I'm literally alone in an unknown place. No family. No friends. Nothing. Everyone and everything I know and love is back home in California. Of course, with any breakup, you get really deep into your feelings, and I was deeper than deep. Mostly confused, a handful of anger, and partially giving up. The feeling that stuck with me most was regret.<br />
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Why regret?<br />
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I was regretful of the fact I felt like I had wasted important parts, if not, vital years of my twenties being in this relationship. I was regretful of the fact I would never know the woman I had the potential to be, had I focused on myself from twenty-three to twenty-eight. I was regretful that I had a vision and entire life planned out with someone, that I invested years of time, energy, and work into<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> only to feel like I came up empty-handed, while they quickly moved on without hesitation. Most of all, I was regretful of the fact I even felt embarrassed, to begin with. Why did I put so much value into this relationship to where I felt embarrassed things went left? I can tell you why, because I put him and the relationship on a pedestal and when someone you think and speak so highly of disappoints you, you end up feeling like you don't really know them like you believed you did... so you feel like a fool, simply put. I had a lot of separation work I needed to do in terms of letting go of what once was or should have been<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> and accepting things for how they were in front of me. The biggest one, releasing the disappointment I felt for starting completely over at twenty-eight and ridding the image of having a marriage and family with my ex. It was most difficult, being around my childhood and college best friends, sharing their moments of engagement and wedding planning, knowing this was a chapter I truly looked forward to<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> but still being overjoyed and happy for my girls nonetheless because they absolutely deserve the happiness they harbor. However, if I can be honest.. it still cut a little deep. I was stuck seeing people build their lives and families together and hit with the reality of having to eventually go through the dating pool and get to know someone all over again. That thought alone was exhausting.<br />
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For some time, I battled with the choice of me going back home or staying and finishing the school year through. Some days/nights were really tough. I questioned if it was really worth staying in Michigan when I came for a specific reason. I felt like I was in a bind that I would have never purposely put myself in. So, I eventually reached a place where I had to get real with myself and let go of every negative emotion I was holding onto, for my own benefit. Shortly after, God started showing me the bigger picture. I don't think it's at all a coincidence getting the job I did. Over time, I began to see just how intentional God truly is. The friends I have made, the work environment that I'm in, and the people I work closely with every day<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> were all specifically handpicked for what I was soon to face. Feeling like I had no one here, quickly shifted toward having a true support system, one that I wasn't expecting. It is because of their words, their encouragement, and belief in me, that I started to look at this situation in a new light. If I had not taken this job, I would have never realized how passionate I truly am about special education and autism. Working with my students not only sparked a hidden passion but has truly inspired me to make an impact in ways I never saw fit. I knew I had an idea of what my end goal (career-wise) was, but I didn't think that it existed because it was just a list of my interests compiled into one. Luckily, I work directly with a woman who is absolutely amazing at what she does. I emailed her asking for a meeting to share my interests and hopefully get directed in the right direction and she exceeded that. Now, I'm pursuing more than what I originally embarked on this journey for. Everything has been coming into alignment. My happiness, solely provided by the life I'm building individually, is back. Overall, I'm just really excited about the way things are shifting around. If there's one thing about me, it's that I'm a go-getter and I always adapt and create a solid foundation, I think that's the one aspect I admire most about myself, I'm literally good anywhere. It's funny because my family wasn't really worried about me getting on my feet and actually encouraged me to stay put, putting all of their emotions of wanting me home aside. After all, that's how deep their support runs, knowing I come from a family of pure ambition, they knew I would be okay. I can always go home, it's always going to be there. A lot may have broken my heart, but it sharpened my vision, and my main focus is to remain focused to secure everything I've set my eyes on for my career.<br />
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Looking back, I remember mentioning to my mom in conversation that I felt like there was still a layer of womanhood I had yet to break into. That I felt I needed to be in a space to figure things out for my own, without a crutch or safety net to really reach that next level of adulthood. Be careful what you ask for because I got exactly that lol, but with good measure. <br />
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I guess the moral of the story is, everything truly happens for a reason. One lesson I've definitely taken from this is to believe the person someone shows you they are, the very first time. All in all, being single again was an adjustment, but to be honest it's probably the best thing I have done for myself. There's still underlying healing to be mended.. but I'm genuinely happy. I needed the disappointment to step back into my power and gain certain aspects of myself that I lost. Moving forward, I'm wiser. A hell of a lot stronger emotionally/mentally and know what I want for my life as I prepare to maneuver out of my twenties and really start to set the tone. I know that there are so many great things coming my way, I can truly feel the blessings being prepared to drop. I've gotten to know myself better than I ever have in the most trying way and for that I'm thankful. No love lost just elevated standards and a stronger emphasis on my value.<br />
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Here's to new beginnings in life, career, and eventually love (again, but no time soon). I know some of my best years, are the ones still on the way.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Grand Rapids, MI42.9633599 -85.668086342.7774209 -85.9908098 43.1492989 -85.3453628tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-15229218445606660222019-01-31T19:12:00.003-08:002024-02-07T16:26:57.785-08:00The Gap Between Authentic Connections + Influencer Craze<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's taken me a few days longer to get this post out than I had expected. Part of me was trying to be mindful of the tone that this message presented to make sure I wasn't offending anyone, especially considering people get defensive over influencer talk, and then the other side of me reminded myself that this is what my blog is for<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> to touch on topics inspired by<i> life as I know it</i>. So here we are.<br />
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Can I be transparent for a second? When I first started this social media stuff it was for kicks and giggles (during my high school years). Twitter was a way to follow my favorite celebrities and Instagram allowed me to connect with my friends and share the fun moments we experienced together. As I grew with the internet my own passions developed and led you here to this post. How we use this space is so much different than it used to be...and I find myself missing certain parts of how things were back then. Social media has changed the game in how we get our crafts out. It has also been a segue in developing some amazing relationships and friendships too. I have personally been afforded plenty of opportunities in the past thanks to my little space on the internet and I love that we live in a digitally sound world, but the more we grow with the constant upgrades of social media, things become more... inauthentic.<br />
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It's great to find a community based on your interests outside of the friends you have because although they support you, sometimes they just aren't going to be into the same things as you. Which is fine, no shade, it's just how it is. Everyone likes what they like. However, I've been noticing how making connections with others in terms of blogging and entrepreneurship is a little lackluster.<br />
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A lot of people see Instagram as <i>just</i> Instagram, which it is, but it's also a platform full of opportunities. I understand the focus of building your brand to be more appealing to your audience, I do, but finding more bloggers and entrepreneurs to connect with on a more personal level doesn't seem to be any interest anymore. In my honest opinion, it seems as though Twitter is more laid back, easier to connect creatively, and has an openness to bond over people's work. It seems all people really care about on Instagram these days is becoming an influencer, and there is no harm in that. However, I guess my perspective on influence is quite different than others.<br />
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Instagram is known for being a visual app and people have become even more hooked on the imagery; which makes some go to great lengths to replicate what draws people in. When I first stepped into the blogging world, there were so many articles I read, filled with advice on how to help my blog grow on social media; Instagram was the main focal point. To make money you have to do this, make your brand look like that<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> and I soon realized after falling into the trap that, I didn't want my brand to be a replica of the thousand other bloggers on the internet. I wanted it to represent me and my authenticity, in the true form... and I had to ask myself.. <b style="font-style: italic;">how authentic am I vs. the illusion I feel I need to produce for "quality content"? </b><br />
<b style="font-style: italic;"><br /></b> That question alone changed my whole approach to my brand and blogging "career" completely; if you want to call it that. Instead of having the mindset of "content, content, content", I realized what was best for my brand and I find so much comfort in that. Unfortunately, everything has become so numbers focused. There's an extensive amount of fake engagement going on and what seems like tons of following to unfollow, and for what purpose? Seems like everyone wants to be an influencer without really knowing what they want to influence for<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> other than a perceived social status. It’s even sad that you can tell who may or may not be willing to connect with you nowadays or the fact that if your feed isn’t perfectly put together your quality of work <i>must</i> be mediocre. Feeling that certain people are too out of reach to connect with based on their following is ridiculous, but that's how it is. <span style="font-family: inherit;">The mindset is trash. You have people who have smaller platforms who have the power to move masses. However, even smaller influencers are doing the same tactics to establish their Instagram standing, and I get it. It's easy to want to conform and do what it takes to enhance your platform.. but ultimately that would mean I am the one being influenced. Right? </span><br />
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I can’t wait until we can get back to the times where we get over this infatuation with being influencers and public figures to monetize popularity that brings no real value to people's lives. Granted, there are a handful of people who impact lives in a positive way who didn't ask for the influencer label, but I’m not sure if anyone has noticed how bad it has gotten collectively over time. I would like to see people getting back to the root of why they do the things that they love, to think for themselves and build off talents, gifts, and what makes them unique— not what everyone else is doing. I need people to really start asking themselves what is it that they are influencing people to do? Are you making people want to be like you? Follow you?.. and if so, what are they gaining out of that besides pretty feeds and personal boasts? How are you helping anyone want to achieve where you present to be? I hate that I look into matters for tangibility but it’s something that really needs to be thought about considering the lack of substance within the community.<br />
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There's a big gap between influencer craze and authentic connections. The supply of influencers has gone up but the relationships it takes to have an impact is short-lived. The thirst for high follower counts is making people feel a lot bigger than they truly are and the illusion has people out here feeling like they aren't doing much compared to those who appear like they are. </div>
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I might get some who decide to read this triggered and I'm sure people will take this as me complaining that I'm not at the heights of my Instagram game like others out there. Which isn't the case at all. What I'm saying is that I feel like I'm the only person left who truly cares about the art of things now, who still loves blogging for what it was originally renowned for. Furthermore, we somehow lost sight of authenticity along the way as the industry grew. The shift has unfortunately caused us to be more visually driven than ever before<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> stimulated by sight which gets us no further than instant gratification and admiration. Causing us to eliminate the most important sensor we need, which is our thought process.<br />
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All in all, I just want <span style="font-family: inherit;">bloggers, creatives, content creators (etc.) out there with smaller platforms to not feel like their message, or the quality of content is inadequate. It is so easy to get caught up in it all when you want more growth and traction... but I am telling you, your purpose and those assigned to it will come. Validation begins with self. The credibility of your brand is still worthy without the extras. Focus on the quality and forget about being recognized or looked up to and remember, everything that glitters ain't gold. </span><br />
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I stand true to the <i>lifestyle </i>niche I assigned myself to and my best quality is that I am relatable. I am a regular person, no influencer, seeking to share a little light and inspiration to the world.. and that is exactly what I strive for my brand to represent. I want there to be some normalcy for me. I want people who come to my page to feel like my way of living is obtainable<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> because it's a reflection of what my lifestyle looks like in real life. I may not have many posts but that's because I'm focused on truly building what I'm doing.<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I lose followers just as fast as I gain them but that's not important. My only obligation to myself and my brand + body of work is to reach those who genuinely like my content. I’m a writer and I’m sensitive about my craft. Anyone who is more visual, I’m just not the account for them. The quality of my content goes deeper than the quality of the picture I’m posting and I know that. </span>I guess my only hope is that we can get away from this craze of looking the part and actually start focusing on the craft/community again.. and stop allowing platforms to get in our head.<br />
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That's all.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com11Fresno, CA36.7377981 -119.7871246999999936.330857099999996 -120.4325717 37.1447391 -119.14167769999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-78147993198017704202019-01-21T14:29:00.006-08:002024-02-07T16:27:52.518-08:00Breaking Bad Habits for a Happier and Healthier Morning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I never knew the importance of a morning routine until I didn't have one. For most of my life, I have been on a strict schedule as an athlete. Pretty predictable. I can't even begin to share how many times <i>"I have practice" </i>or "<i>I have a track meet</i>" uttered from my mouth. I always knew what to expect and how much to give back. I had workouts, weights and classes down packed. I was the multitask/prioritizing queen. That's all I knew, how to juggle things (<i>and very well might I add</i>). It certainly was useful in the beginning. However, once the schedule changed, bad habits began to form. You mean I don't have to wake up at the butt crack of dawn for weights anymore? That calls for immediate sleep-ins. Always being on the go meant <i>always </i>eating on the go. Not enough time? I'll just skip that meal. Free weekends were like a vacation. I carried all of these habits over into life after track and soon realized it needed to be fixed. I'm not saying that I was unhealthy, but I am saying that I didn't have the greatest of morning habits for a while.. and your morning sets the tone for the rest of your day.<br />
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When I first got out of college, I took every opportunity I had to sleep in. When I say sleep in, I'm talking 10/11 a.m. sleep-ins. I believe a portion of that had to do with the fact I was dealing with post-grad depression and had to go to a job I didn't like every day. After realizing that I wasn't making good use of my time in the mornings, I wanted to start being more productive during the hours I used to sleep my life away. There were so many things I could be doing within that time period and I wanted to make sure that I was getting the most out of it.<br />
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It took a while.<br />
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I continuously fell off of my plans to do better and would pick back up just to fall off again. Things get so much harder when you aren't required to do them anymore, but that's where self-discipline comes in the most! Our days and moods are pretty much shaped by how we spend the first hour in the morning. My first-hour would be spent scrolling through social media.. and I still fall short sometimes. I'm guilty, but I hate giving my time to things that aren't that important right then. I've done it so much throughout college it's become second nature. I started really thinking to myself like <i>"what did I do before I ever had a phone?" </i>before any of these social networking apps took over. It seemed the more I got into blogging over the years, the more I instinctively checked social media.<br />
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If I want to direct my life I must first take control of my consistent actions, because it's not what I do once that shapes my life, but what I do consistently. So, at the end of last year, I told myself that I needed to change the way I spent the first hours of my day and did trial and error routines. For some reason, I wake up at 6:58a on the dot, every single morning now and it's been that way since October. It doesn't matter if I go to bed later than usual, the good Lord is popping my eyes open right on time daily. Noticing that and taking the areas of my life that I wanted to improve this year I began a routine. Waking up this early helps especially on Saturdays when I go for my run.<br />
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I'm still in the process of tackling this routine down perfectly every single day of the week, but we're getting there. Baby steps right?<br />
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<i>(side note: my room is my favorite place outside of my office.. I spend more time here creatively.)</i></div>
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<b>WEEKDAYS</b><br />
<b><br /></b> I'm kind of a grandma now so I really don't do much on weeknights, but I do have movie nights and binge watch shows on my own until 12a the next day (ya'll know how it goes). However, I'm pretty adamant on going to bed around 8:30 or 9p outside of my occasional Netflix binge. In addition to that, because I'm going to bed quite early, I usually don't eat anything after 8:00p (<i>usually). </i>As morning comes around, I'm up at 6:58 as my bedtime alarm starts to play chirpings of birds (<i>this is the calmest alarm tone to wake up to take my word for it</i>).<br />
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I then will proceed to either take my morning shower or run a bubble bath so I can spend some time on devotionals. After that, I make my bed and cuddle up on my couch and read one or two chapters of whatever book I'm reading at the moment.<br />
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Since I'm at two different schools throughout the day, I like to set my intentions, go over lesson plans and get in tune with how I'm feeling. I do all of this by using my little 5-second journal. I document how I am feeling that morning, why I feel this way, what I can do to improve my mood, as well as state the things I would like to get done. My favorite part of the journal is the option to physically write down when I will be done working that day, which is especially good emotionally when I'm beginning to feel burnt out.<br />
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Notice, I haven't mentioned anything about my phone? Well in case you were wondering, yes. I have been on it but not for social media. I do my devotionals through the Bible app so I'm utilizing it for that and exchanging good mornings and well wishes for the day. Other than that, I don't need to check my Twitter or even begin producing content because it's already taken care of. I use Buffer to schedule any and every thought I may have to tweet out for me at night. I have fallen in love with this app because it really does the work for me. It schedules the timing on its own, I can choose how many times a day I want to publish tweets and that's it. I don't have to worry about producing content throughout my work day and can be active online without having to be active.<br />
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I've gotten pretty good at sticking to this routine, sometimes I fall off (checking social media), but I do plan to continue doing it so that it becomes easier to have a more productive morning. When I do well on this routine my whole day runs smoothly and I'm in a great mood because I've taken the time to utilize my morning and get many things out of the way early.<br />
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Once I get to work I use office time to check or respond to any blog or business related emails since I'd typically already be checking work emails before class.<br />
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<b>WEEKENDS</b><br />
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Are used for fun right? To a certain extent. I don't want to stop trying to collectively better my routines with the exception of the weekend. So, Saturdays are used for morning runs. I get up at 6:30a to get to the park at 7:30a and do my full workout with my trainer. It can consist of hills, sprints, two-mile runs on the loop, whatever it is, I take this time to clear my mind of everything from the week. Running has always been my way to focus better. After, I get a nice and healthy breakfast in, shower and dive into blogging. Again, Twitter is already handled. Then Sunday is a rest day, usually more time for reading and prepping for the work week.<br />
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I like this schedule so far and plan to be more consistent with it because it does make me very productive. The next thing on my list to tackle is incorporating cooking more throughout the week to limit eating out <i>and </i>practice healthier habits.<br />
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Hopefully, this helped you identify bad habits that you've developed throughout your mornings and moved you to want to break them!<br />
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The 5-second journal can be found here if interested: <span style="color: #999999;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Second-Journal-Most-Powerful-Planet/dp/168261722X" target="_blank"><span style="color: #999999;">Amazon</span></a> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4Fresno, CA36.7377981 -119.7871246999999936.330857099999996 -120.4325717 37.1447391 -119.14167769999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-91999300647646208572018-12-01T09:48:00.003-08:002024-02-07T15:04:53.463-08:00Fragmented Promotions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been on a slight blog hiatus, I know. As I've mentioned in posts before, this year has been an extension to my personal growth and self-discovery journey. However, I'm so happy to be back and revamped with a brand new look! Sometimes, you just have to dress up a little to prompt some motivation, so I hope you all like the makeover as much as I do. Since I've been absent there's a lot that has changed. For one, I no longer work for CBS and NBC. It's really funny how much your growth changes your interests with time. One thing I can say though is that my position truly opened my eyes to what I wanted that I was too blind to see before. Mentally I had already walked away from the job, but I was physically still there.<br />
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I truly believed that starting my media career was a dream come true, as time went on, I just wasn't feeling it anymore. Honestly, sometimes jobs just don't turn out to be the right fit and that's okay. One thing I have noticed is that we usually take pride in what we do and hold our identity within that position. Often we'll get a position that in our eyes looks like an absolute upgrade, then it doesn't live up to our expectations. For me, I left Los Angeles to get my foot in the door only to semi-regret it. I say semi because before taking the position with CBS, I was in a temp position with the government. The day I gave my two weeks notice about getting the job at the station, I was told that they knew I wanted to work in media and had planned on positioning me for PR work with the Mayor. That sounded nice, but I was so focused on the fact that CBS handed over the position I didn't consider anything else. Once I started I loved it but I started feeling unfulfilled,<i> again, </i>with<i></i> time. I still felt I was doing some things that I liked, but not everything. That's all I really wanted. To be able to do everything I enjoy all in one place. That's when God answered and the bigger vision came.<br />
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A consulting agency. For high school student-athletes. A full rundown of services and ideas for expansion once targets are met. I will admit, It kind of scared me a bit because I never had an experience like that with God until then. It was like an overflow of affirmation and an obvious answer to the questions I had been running through my head, plus what my soul desired. Only thing I didn't have was the idea. So I took that and ran with it. On the other hand, I kinda had a feeling that I would be let go from my job. I had already been looking for other positions because I had never been fired before and didn't want to experience it. I think most of that came from pride. I was too prideful in working for such an accredited network, I'll be honest. Not wanting to be let go was me linking firing to failure. That's not the case at all. I left on great terms. All my old co-workers/managers still keep in contact and express how much they miss having me around. The best part? Even though we decided to go our separate ways, they didn't want to. It's just the way of the industry. Leaving lasting impressions on people is always a good feeling and works in your favor in the end. The day I packed up all my stuff and turned in my key card was the most liberating feeling. I was happy. I felt free in a sense. I had not one ounce of disappointment, fear or uncertainty. I knew God had already placed my next move in motion.<br />
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The next four months after departing ways with CBS, I worked day in and day out to bring my business to life. I studied the market. Found a web developer. Researched high schools/athletic departments. Perfected brand colors. Created letter of agreements, business plans, policies, chose price points and everything. I utilized all the free time I had with unemployment and dedicated it to creating something for myself. I used the money from unemployment checks to put in my savings and finish out my rent. Now, God is completely altering the road I thought I was on and changing directions. I'm back with the government as a mentor aiding at-risk high school students, preparing them for job readiness. I was hired the same day as the interview because they felt my business could work collaboratively and increase growth, connections and build my network (since I am contracted through Fresno Unified School District). You really cannot tell me that isn't God. Everything is just positioned properly. From being fired, to accepting the task of being God's vessel for his vision over my life, to him placing me accordingly. It was all a fragmented promotion. Every piece led to fixing the puzzle correctly.<br />
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For everything we lose, we gain something better. For anyone who has been fired before, I know it isn't the greatest feeling. Often times, the first emotion that comes up for some reason is embarrassment<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">— </span>especially if it's a job we take a lot of pride in. We think we've failed ourselves or that we weren't cut out for the job. Only one of those is true. No, you didn't fail yourself and yes you weren't cut out for the job because you were meant for more. In my case, I felt like there were a lot of talents that I brought to the table that were overlooked. Sometimes positions can hold back your light and gifts. Find comfort in the fact that nothing is removed by God without the intention of aligning you with better. Ever notice how as you grow your surroundings do too? You have no reason to feel embarrassed about situations not working in your favor. You are always placed somewhere for a purpose, whether it be for a long time or a short time.<br />
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I want to end this by saying, with the new year approaching<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">— </span>start applying intent with the decisions you make for your life. When you do things with intent, there is no pressure and focus on the outcome. When you set expectations, you are expecting something to go the way you envision it, which produces a lot of disappointment in the end. <b>Sometimes blessings aren't in what God gives, but in what He takes away. </b><br />
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Here's to a new month, new business and new alignment, all right in time for a new year. <span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px;">🥂</span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6Fresno, CA36.7377981 -119.7871246999999936.330857099999996 -120.4325717 37.1447391 -119.14167769999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-20117174194622836982018-08-02T07:30:00.004-07:002024-02-07T15:02:34.560-08:00Season of Pruning <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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God has truly been developing me this year. I can say that deep down inside, I felt it was going to be a different kind of outcome than what I expected. Lately, I've been detoxing because I needed clarity. I was experiencing major shifts with what I wanted in life, my vision and my outlook on where I saw and see myself going changed<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">—</span></span> ultimately making me feel out of place. One moment, I'm excited for the new year, firmly believing it was a breakout season and the next thing I know, God completely repositions my heart towards my career. Imagine how confusing that feels.<br />
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My blog has always represented my transparency and every crack and sharp edge that I experience, I share. However, in the last three months, I have felt like I had absolutely nothing to share at all. As the months continued to come and go, I slowly started to be drawn in a direction I honestly wish would have dawned on me sooner. Moreover, it took me finally working in television to feel the need to do more and gain the idea<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> </span>which is equally important.<br />
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God's humor is interesting. I seem to always have these times of awakening the month I embrace a new year of age. It never fails. As I get older, I'm realizing I don't want <i>anything</i> remotely close to what I once thought I wanted.<br />
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I promise this isn't a mid-life crisis, but people change. Our interests grow and I would be doing myself a disservice if I stayed in a lane I chose for myself at nineteen years old. I had no clue what life even held back then, let alone the struggles I would endure. Maturity has shown me that I didn't really know what I wanted, but connected common similarities that I felt would help my transition from life after sports into the workforce<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px;">—</span> easier. Yeah, being a Sports Broadcaster sounded great to me then. The fact of the matter is, I'm just too shy to be in front of the camera like that and I always have been. Although my passions lie in sports, media, and writing, that specific job isn't for me<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-size: 16px;">—</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span>plus a new found love for consulting, which I just figured out from working in media consulting, developed! Sometimes you'll discover new passions by taking a chance on yourself to try something new. Being in your twenties/thirties and still figuring it out is ok. Society may expect us to have certain areas and qualities of our lives together by a certain age, but I live for me... and if I'm being directed in the opposite direction than I was originally going, I'm trusting my gut feeling over everything. I have no problem switching lanes into what is going to make my life and career feel worthwhile.<br />
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It's one thing to say you are "becoming" and another to actually be living it. I didn't know what was happening but I knew then and still know now, that God is uprooting me to plant something better. To get a clearer message, I decided to detox from social media. The focus of the detox included three areas:<br />
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rest: to bear fruit through trial.<br />
revival: to change how I pray and where I put my time.<br />
renewal: to make old things in my life feel brand new and accept new work under God.<br />
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Every day I'm realizing the many layers that come with growth. It's like an onion. Each time you pull the skin back and confront the emotions that come with it, you find yourself peeling yet another layer<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">—</span></span> until you have met every flaw and overcome the discomfort.<br />
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This specific season of growth in my life is my time of pruning. I'm nurturing and watering my next step with the belief that caring hands bear the greatest fruits. I want to be aligned with what God has placed on my heart, cutting away and trimming dead stems and overgrown branches that I have invested in.<br />
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My career is slightly transitioning and I'm fine with it because the most important thing to me is utilizing the degree I already possess and figuring out ways to capitalize with it. The support I receive from family and friends is extra encouragemnt pushing myself that much harder to bring Gods assignment to fruition. I can go as far as I want to go, through every door that's mine. It's time to realize that as long as we create excuses<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">—</span> we </span>miss out on an opportunity to develop and become a master at what comes naturally to us TO produce a living from it like we all truly want. It starts with your perceptions. You'll continue to be dissatisfied the more you build your tolerance for it.<br />
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My plans were fine, but I had to realize that God had the right to change them.<br />
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motto: pray on it, plan on it, act on it and pray on it some more.<br />
Here's to living in truth and power<span style="font-family: "helvetica";"><span style="font-size: 12px;">.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3Downtown Fresno36.736658899999988 -119.7913495000000236.685757899999984 -119.87203050000002 36.787559899999991 -119.71066850000003tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-37330155801086448152018-05-06T16:57:00.005-07:002024-02-07T15:05:11.271-08:00Transparency <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Have you ever prayed for something so hard and God blessed you with it? It's one of the most reassuring feelings ever. All you can think of is how good He is to you. Now, have you ever prayed for something really hard, received it and grew tired of the blessing you really wanted? It makes you feel ungrateful. Constantly guilt tripping yourself to believe you're undeserving of the favor God shows you. We always talk about all of the good that He provides, but never about how you come to outgrow where you've been placed. It's similar to how we outgrow people, they serve their purpose and we learn from it to apply in new relationships and friendships. Well, life placements can be outgrown too.<br />
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To be completely transparent, I've prayed for something and then God placed me there<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">—</span> I was so excited about the new chapter. Then it seemed once I reached the point I wanted to go in, I started getting hungry for more. I was upset at myself because I felt like I was never satisfied. How dare I have the audacity to ask for something and not want to continue moving forth with it. I thought to myself, you just got this..you just got here, why are you asking for more? However, I soon learned that it wasn't me that was asking for myself, it was God. He was making me uncomfortable and outgrowing my situation, directing me. He was teaching me that just because I wanted this, didn't mean he planned to keep me there. Every stage of our life isn't meant to be fulfilled long term. I think that's what messes us up and throws us off course. God uses stages to prepare us for the next place he wants to put us in. So, I began to look at it as God not allowing me to get too comfortable and complacent because there's more to come and it's much bigger. He places the desire in the heart to fire us up. I know that my purpose is meant for much more than where I currently stand in life, but most importantly, that each stage is necessary for educational purposes. </div>
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I've found myself irritated for being in certain jobs, that didn't seem to have a cause or any relation to what I want to do. I was complaining, expressing how much I disliked it, feeling like I wasn't going in the right directions or obtaining the correct experience. <i>The whole nine</i>. Yet, I found myself questioning and asking for him to show me the reasoning in where I'm at. </div>
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<span style="background-color: #fce5cd;"><span style="background-color: #ead1dc; font-size: large;">God's not going to put you anywhere just cause. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">After I asked him <i>why</i> I gradually started getting little signs that related to my end goal. The first time it happened I just took it as an <i>oh, that may be a sign </i>kind of thing and it grew into complete reassurance. More and more signs were popping up and I knew it was no longer a coincidence. That's when I started to look at things as steps and stages. I'm one who gets anxious when it comes to going after what I want. I want to move, move, move and get things started but going about it that way can cause destruction rather than taking the time to build a solid base for the foundation of your goals and plans. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">That's where steps and stages come into play. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">Take in everything and find the little nuggets you can use in the core of your foundation. If you are in a time of uncertainty pay attention to signs that align with your passions. The more you notice them, the more fired up you will get to continue pursuing them. If you don't like your job or don't understand exactly why God placed you there, use it as a knowledge base. No matter what position you may be in or what the functions may be, there are qualities that you are using on a daily basis that you can use towards your end goal. You weren't placed there randomly. Really think of your day to day work and tasks, then correlate some key attributes that you will need in the line of work you truly want to do; whether it be at a higher corporate level or entrepreneurship. Dig in to really find the gold nuggets you overlook at work because you're too caught up feeling or expressing what you don't like. </span></div>
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Another point to consider, it's normal to feel like you are going backward rather than forward, but preparation comes before promotion. The way up may go down or feel unaligned for awhile at first. It's not unusual for progress to feel like stagnation but the embedded lesson within that is the experience you're getting <span style="background-color: white;">where you are, </span>that will help you rule in the long run. It's a lot easier to become impatient with God's timeline than understanding why God is not prospering and promoting us like we think we should be. It's okay to outgrow your current placement, <i>but God is trying to teach you something that will be valuable for a bigger mission. </i></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ead1dc; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">Prepare your work outside; </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: #ead1dc; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Proverbs 24:27</span></b></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6Downtown Fresno36.7324191 -119.788760911.210384600000001 -161.0973549 62.254453600000005 -78.4801669tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-50502834447724732362018-02-18T15:11:00.007-08:002024-02-07T15:05:24.730-08:00Fall in Love with Your Solitude<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The balance between solitude and connectedness can be challenging sometimes. You want to be present but very much alone simultaneously. Many are afraid of being completely comfortable in solitude because it can often be confused with loneliness or anti-socialization, which doesn't have to be the case at all. I hold company within myself so sacred to the point that even when I am alone, I am completely whole. Between my career, brand, family, friends and a relationship; constantly trying to make time for everything can be an overload. It's easy to forget to carve out time for yourself. Once I acknowledged that solitude was my way to recharge I started to spend a lot more time with myself unapologetically. I learned how to be truly content in my own company and there's honestly nothing better than knowing how to enjoy things by yourself.<br />
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Temporarily, but willingly disconnecting from whatever causes the most amount of noise in your world is imperative. A serious gem in self-care. It's freedom. A chance for restoration and a pathway to discover who you are in silence. An opportunity for spiritual maintenance. Once you see how peaceful it is— you want more. I give myself full permission to go off the grid and disappear when need be. Sometimes it's better to be missed than to be everywhere in order to repair and refine your soul. One thing that I have learned throughout my personal development journey is that you have to protect your energy, you can't let the disallowance of others to have a swayful impact on how you recoup. See, I'm an ambivert to the core. Very outgoing, but can be very shy as well. Life of the party, but once I'm low on energy I just want to be with myself. I can talk your ear off, but sometimes I don't want to say one single word. Too much time on the introvert or extrovert side will cause me to be irritatable or quite moody.<br />
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I used to be the person who had a really hard time saying no to people. I didn't want to let anyone down or make it seem like I wasn't being supportive so I would say yes to things I truly didn't want to do. Yes, I'll be there. Yes, I can do that for you. Yes, I can help. Yes, I'll drive. Yes, I'll get up out of my time alone to keep you company when I truly don't want to be bothered. It was always yes. Rarely did I ever say no, and if I did it was hard to get it out. I soon learned that I had to stop saying yes to things for the sake of other people's feelings. So, I began to learn how to prioritize the times I needed alone. Ignoring how you feel and going against what your body and demeanor are telling you only makes the matter worse because then you come off like you have an attitude when people ask something of you. I didn't want that. There's no need to feel like you're obligated to do anything for anyone. No is a complete sentence that needs no explanation whatsoever. If you say it, leave it and don't let anyone try to change your mind. Also note that even if you said yes before and suddenly have a change of heart, say no, and don't make yourself feel guilty for it.<br />
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Minimalism gets applied whenever I seek solitude. I go on many decluttering sprees because it's another way to interact with my feelings, collect my thoughts and rearrange what needs better placement within my soul. I acknowledge when I need to be more in tune with myself and I've made being alone a luxury to be immersed and aware in the fullness of my own presence. Ample time with myself is about being authentic. Having boundaries for socialization and enforcing them. Catering to my space first and everyone else second.<br />
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Solitary is truly about being your own friend sometimes and figuring out what you need more or less of in these moments. The silence reveals the truth to all solutions. The escape allows you to release, detoxify and gain more clarity. Honestly, all that comes with being a 21st-century working professional can get in the way of your healing energy. Connect and find new characteristics about you. Be comfortable with telling others no in order to say yes to yourself. It's your time to delve into the depths of what you're truly feeling. Identify what's being consumed and produced throughout your day to day life and evaluate where you can correct any draining or destruction of your energy.<br />
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Whatever revivifies balance is essential.<br />
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Use solitude as your bliss, follow it and achieve happiness by yourself.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7Cultural Arts District, Downtown Fresno, CA39.7395034 -104.87325570000002-8.4520166 172.50955679999998 87.931023399999987 -22.256068200000016tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-41122086776687562018-01-27T11:51:00.005-08:002024-02-07T15:02:50.195-08:00Keepin' It Honest<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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January, I need a re-do.<br />
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Let's just rewind this back and start fresh in February, sound good? I honestly don't even know what it is about this month. It's been a slow one for me. I'm still really optimistic about all of the great things I believe will happen for me this year, but this first month to make early moves have actually been the opposite. Now, I wouldn't be Ashley if I didn't keep it honest and open with you. My blog is centered around my self-discovery and personal development and surprisingly that's what January has consisted of for me. I hate feeling like I'm uninspired to write because it's the one thing that I love to do, but I can't help but take the necessary time to myself away from online connections to dive more into what I need (no matter how badly I wish to put out content). What is it that I need? I can't even answer that for you right now, but I feel like God is forcing me to isolate myself in order to dig deeper if that makes any sense at all.<br />
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I can tell you my first mishap was trying to do too much all at once. I burnt myself out, kinda. I piled up all of the things I want to do and zeroed in on every single one of them. I overwhelmed my own damn self with my own damn goals. Isn't that something? <i>(another characteristic I need to immensely work on)</i>.<br />
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2018 is the year I want to do more and right now, I need to step back. I feel like there's this rush to put out content and be on a nonstop grind that maybe I'm completely making up in my head, but not really. Feeling like you have to constantly be active on either of your platforms isn't healthy but for some reason, that's the only way we feel we will grow at the rate we want.<br />
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I would love to engage my audience on the daily if I could and sometimes, depending on the month or what I have going on in my life, I can absolutely do that. Other times in between I'm just trying to catch up with my loved ones and enjoy the life I'm living. I know the best way to build your brand is to do as much as you can but I can't help but feel like I'm pressuring and forcing myself to do that sometimes. I have seen the growth and the way my words impacted more people by being online more and remaining consistent. It was great. It makes you want to get into that same routine and do it repeatedly, but what happens when you can't? What happens when that fire is temporarily burnt out? I know when I get this way I start to feel guilty that I haven't been doing much or that my followers are going to forget about my blog if I don't post anything, which ultimately leads me into trying to publish something that never gets seen because it's forced.<br />
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Truthfully, all of the great things I originally planned to get a running start with in January have been at a standstill. Not because I'm lazy, not because I don't enjoy blogging anymore but simply because my mind is dragging me in all these different, yet necessary directions and my body just can't keep up at the moment. I forced myself to make 2018 the year of action effective January 1st, when in reality<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">— </span>I need a little more time to strategically plan what it is I'm trying to do. I overpromised and God pulled me back and placed me in a situation where I have to reconnect with myself once again. The first month of the year hasn't been utilized in going forward with plans and goals that were drafted in November and December. It hasn't been utilized for more hustle like many of us intended. This month? Unknowingly has been about doing less to get more. That sounds backward right? I know. It's true though. For as long as I can remember I have had this mindset that the more you do the more you get. In most cases, this is true. Consequently, doing more has also caused me to stay in the realm of "when I do a, I can have more time for b" or "when I get to c I can finally do d, e, and f". However, I don't want more of everything to eventually be the cause of my undoing.<br />
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This month is about doing less.<br />
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I feel that at the moment that's exactly what I need. I'm just as surprised as you that I'm even saying this but my journey is a never-ending learning process leading to self-mastery.<br />
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I've started to take notice that I can be completely proud of my accomplishments and underwhelmed by them at the same time. It's crazy. Some might call that unsatisfied but that's incorrect. I'm more than grateful and I'm definitely not one to be greedy, but I'm learning that I'm always itching to do more. Once I get to one place I feel like okay, level complete and it's on to the next one. I feel like I have to be doing more and better than before always. (again, trying to do too damn much). Truly a gift and a curse, because although I'm driven, my drive can cause me to get ahead of myself by trying to work harder when I need to work smarter.<br />
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I'm using this month to continue doing less while I connect the dots. I know it may seem like a recipe for being unproductive, but that's the most important point of it all.<br />
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Doing less allows me to have more energy to focus on what matters.<br />
Doing less allows me to feel less congested and more satisfaction with life as a whole.<br />
Doing less opens more intentional space.<br />
Doing less makes my passion louder and ideas more fluid.<br />
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I'm not throwing in the towel or skipping out on the work, I'm giving myself permission to change the tempo when I feel like I'm not aligned or connected. Sometimes it all gets a little overwhelming and it's best to tackle things in small chunks. Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes. Including myself.<br />
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January, I didn't fail you. The flow this month is just a little different.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6Downtown Fresno36.7324191 -119.788760911.210384600000001 -161.0973549 62.254453600000005 -78.4801669tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-2030734233864302672017-11-25T11:51:00.005-08:002024-02-07T15:05:53.391-08:00Life Is Always a Mirror<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One of the most healing things you can do is recognize where in your life you are your own poison. This could be in any area. It's honestly hard to confront our own flaws because it's much easier to put the blame on any and everything else but ourselves. It is imperative to acknowledge when we are our own poison because it forms cancer that grows to blind us from seeing that sometimes the problem is you. There has to be a point reached where we start taking ownership of the issues we cause ourselves. If every situation is one that's against you in any way, isn't that a clear indicator that maybe something needs to change? It should be.<br />
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There are many people who are stuck in their ways. So stuck that they never consider that maybe,<i> just maybe</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">—</span> they could be the problem. It's always everyone/everything against them.. and there's never a dawning moment of realization that there are areas in their life that need some serious nurturing. </div>
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Checking yourself and your heart is big-time growth. When you do the inner work you allow yourself to elevate to a new and higher level. You have to be real with yourself and get honest about the areas that you need to change. Now, I'm not saying that you need to change who you are as a person entirely, but insisting on considering taking a deep look at yourself and see where you're coming up short. There is always an area that needs a new seed to be planted. Water it by taking the time to fix the environment, mind, heart, and soul, for your situations to bloom.<br />
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I am a firm believer that life is always a mirror. Anything unresolved within our energy field will keep manifesting itself in our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual lives until we fix it. There is no escaping this. You are bound to repeat patterns if you do not heal them. Inner work is necessary. A simple and effective tool to change your life situations is only speaking what you wish to be brought into existence. Start taking note of the words that you are putting out into the world because those words could be the outcome of where you are coming up short. Your words create and you can not change what you refuse to confront.<br />
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You are always presented with a choice: evolve or remain. Choosing to remain unchanged, will be presenting the same challenges, the same storms<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">—</span> until you step aside and truly learn from them to stop the cycle <i>you've</i> created. Choosing to evolve, connects you with the strength to explore what lies far beyond what's comfortable.<br />
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Be a mirror for your life. You want better? Be better.<br />
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Many things in life are uncontrollable, but I've noticed that the few that are controllable we see them as one in the same because we don't like to admit that we are wrong in those cases. That break through you insist you can't get won't just fall in your lap. Yes, it's on the next level, but only after you decide to put more effort in on your part. It's the same in all aspects of life. You want better friends? Make sure that <i>you</i> are being a better friend. You want better outcomes? Make sure that you are genuinely doing right by other people and etcetera.<br />
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Sometimes you are the reason nothing is going how you'd like it too because you're standing in your own way. Instead of complaining about how everyone else contributes to why nothing is going right, check yourself and truly learn from how you are contributing to the destruction. Also, be okay with people or situations that are simply not meant for you and accept disappointment without consuming yourself in resentment.<br />
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Life is always a mirror. Bask in love and light. Let your aura be a reflection of where your heart is resting. Choose to evolve.You are your greatest asset. When you take care of <i>you</i>, your life takes care of itself.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4Los Angeles, CA34.0522342 -118.243684933.2099567 -119.5345784 34.8945117 -116.95279140000001tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-29015333439371169422017-09-03T11:33:00.002-07:002023-01-05T10:13:16.235-08:00You Approached It Like It Was Heavy, So It Was<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For the month of September, I decided to do a new series dedicated to stepping up to personal challenges. We all go through similar obstacles in life, some more intense than others, and sometimes feel that we're the only person who's feeling that way or going through that difficult time. You can find comfort in knowing that there are so many people in this world who can resonate with your struggles, myself included. So, here I am, opening this series to try and help <i>you </i>approach your personal challenges with the intent to overcome and prevail. By that I mean you are more than welcome to send me topic requests to touch on in this series, it's completely dedicated to helping you from my own experience. The first topic of choice is <b><span style="color: #ead1dc;">elevation</span></b>.<br />
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We've all done it. Talked and talked about how we want to do this and that, how it's our passion and how we would love to get <b>a.</b> and <b>b. </b>out of life. When you're a creative, the places your mind wanders off to will take you to some incredible destinations. When we daydream it's magical. We can feel it like it's happening as we think of it. The feeling gets us excited about the possibility of manifesting the life we envision. We will pray and ask for signs of what we want, shout out to be pushed in the direction of our purpose and the moment it's shown to us we try to back out because of the load. Why is it that we expect to be given what we ask for as if the quality of it won't be greater? It's like we pray and pray for something and as soon at it's presented to us, we get small. It's right in front of you now, so what are you going to do with it? Far too many times we count ourselves out before we even attempt to give ourselves the chance to succeed. If there's one thing that I've learned along my journey, it's that God will listen and pay close attention to the smallest of details of your hearts desires. He'll test your patience, then drop more in your lap than you initially asked for and because it was more than you asked for, you immediately feel unprepared and unfit for a higher quality blessing. God didn't put you through that tough season to build your strength up just for you to run away when he lends a helping hand. Stop backing down and training your mind to run from things that seem too complex for where you are currently at. Find peace in knowing that God <i>always </i>places you in a situation <b>HE </b>feels you're qualified for. Even if you think you're unfit, he'll adjust you. Your only task is to accept the faith he has in you to take your life higher.<br />
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If you want to keep being held back then continue to believe that you need to have all the answers to take advantage of the opportunities placed in front of you. All you have to do is just go and work with what you have. A good portion of our stress comes from trying to figure it all out in one sitting, it doesn't work that way. There will never be a perfect time, place or enough tools to jumpstart you in the direction you are trying to go. You just have to go. When you carry all the how's and why's with you it weighs you down and your load will continue to grow. Please stop underestimating yourself and give your capabilities more credit. We all say that we believe in ourselves and know that we can achieve things that we want, but do you believe in yourself enough to take on more than you prayed for? If the loads too big are you going to try and decrease it to fit your level of comfortability? That's the true measure of belief in yourself.<br />
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We're all human and it's normal to have some type of angst when approaching situations we know could benefit us in the long run. The reason we get worried with the first initial contact with a big load is that we know deep down inside, that this next level is going to force us to get out of our comfort zone. It's so much easier to talk about it and pray for change, but when the change comes it requires a new version of ourselves that we aren't used to being yet. It's always easier staying the same and in a predictable place. Change is new and that forces more effort that can cause us to ask if we're ready for it. Nothing will be presented to you that you can not do. The load will only break you if you carry it like it's too heavy. The way you respond is where your power is.<br />
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You can pray for signs of change all you want, but don't run away from what you asked for. Step up and tell yourself that everything you have gone through prepared you for the next step. Yeah, it might seem too big to take on but do you want to prevail or fail? Failure stems from backing down from a challenge meant to evolve you. Prevailing will only happen once you accept the load in its size as a whole. Change your approach towards anything that is given better than you expected because God will only promote you to the level of your tolerance of pain.<br />
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Let this be the day you begin to David your Goliath (even when the biggest Goliath is you).Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Sunnyside, CA 36.7491167 -119.6993067999999936.3423867 -120.34475379999999 37.155846700000005 -119.05385979999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-20835299559171243662017-08-11T09:30:00.002-07:002023-01-05T10:13:56.611-08:00How My Career Delay Turned Out to Be a Blessing in Disguise<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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First, let me start this post off by giving thanks to an undeniably phenomenal God. The most beautiful things happen unexpectedly in your time of waiting. It took me a long time to master my patience, but since I have<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">— </span>things have been moving along gracefully. This post will hold every word I spill from the bottom of my heart. I hope it encourages someone by the time you reach the end.<br />
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If you've been keeping up with my blog for the past year or even the past couple of months, you know that I have no issue telling my story and showing the ugly parts while working towards my purpose. If you are new, I will give you a quick recap. I graduated from college in 2015 and like many recent grads, believed that my life was about to take a positive turn with a great start in a fulfilling career. Well, things didn't really go as planned and you can read about that in this post <u><a href="http://www.ashleyavenu.com/2016/01/things-didnt-go-as-i-planned-is-there.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: #999999;">here</span></a></u>. I was working in a job that wasn't necessarily bad, but after some time... started making me feel like I was being held back. That caused post college depression, which you can read about<span style="color: #999999;"> <u><a href="http://www.ashleyavenu.com/2017/06/when-life-gives-you-lemons-you-build.html" target="_blank">here</a></u></span>.<br />
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You can feel when you aren't aligned with what your soul yearns for and I advise you to never ignore that feeling. As for me, I didn't ignore it. I was just stuck in the position I was in (which actually turned out to be quite beneficial in my journey).<br />
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To give you some background, in 2015/2016 I was applying to endless amounts of jobs to every news station and organization in Los Angeles and surrounding cities (every app came back as a no). I didn't want to be at my job forever (initially planned to stay for six months until I found something else) but finding something else, <i>anything</i> else didn't even happen. Six months turned into a year and by mid year I had made a decision to take control of my situation. I was going to graduate school, but where? I love broadcast media, so I had to do some homework. I didn't want to go too far, kept tuition and cost of living in consideration and began my program research. San Jose State, USC, and Arizona State were the three programs that matched my preferred criteria. However, USC's tuition was too much for me at the moment and trying to figure out the <i>hows </i>was a headache. San Jose's program was close, but not quite the right fit. Then, I took my visit to Arizona State and fell even more in love with the program in person, than I did online. I<i> need </i>to go here, was my only thought. Fast forward to January 2017 and I was back in Arizona, this time with my boyfriend. We took a road trip from Los Angeles to Phoenix in search of an apartment, yup we were talking about moving! My boyfriend is one of the most supportive people in my life and he was willing to move his job from Michigan to Phoenix so I would have support, plus no more long distance. We had a great time exploring the city, celebrated his birthday at K1 speed, found new restaurants (because we love food) and just enjoyed being reunited again. To make the trip even better, we found what we were looking for. A nice one bedroom apartment nestled off in the mountains of Phoenix with a beautiful balcony view. We loved it, then we found out his job had a branch literally right across the street from the complex. Talk about excited. Everything was coming together. Business was handled, so we enjoyed our last day in the city. We then changed our initial plans of moving by waiting to see if I got accepted in February. I finished all my requirements early so it was a slight waiting game. February rolled around and I got my email, but I wasn't accepted...<br />
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I was devastated. Completely broken once I got that rejection letter. I truly believed that was the path God was leading me in, on top of that everyone around me was so sure and confident that I was going to get accepted.. and I didn't. I was really embarrassed. So embarrassed that it's taken me this long to release this off my chest. I was confused.. depressed, even more than I was before. Why did God align all of the steps perfectly leading up to this moment without me getting in? I asked constantly. However, God had better plans for me and I didn't understand that then.<br />
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Three months after I didn't get accepted to the graduate program of my dreams, I decided to move back to Fresno. I wasn't making any progress or even touching the surface of what I wanted to do. Then, I got laid off from the job I was trying to leave so I spent time with family back in my hometown, which reassured me even more that it was time to leave LA. While traveling back to Los Angeles to clean out all my stuff to pack up and move, I saw a position that I had no experience for in Fresno, but it was ideal. I ignored it and applied to different positions to get on my feet as soon as possible. My soul was telling me to apply to that position anyway for about thirty minutes, so I did and didn't think much of it after that (already expected a<i> thank you for applying, but</i>.. email). However, two hours later, I had a voicemail from the company I had zero experience for and quickly called back. After a round of phone tag, we got in contact and the first sentence that came out of the manager's mouth was <i>"Hey, Ashley what do you think about having a career in media?" ...</i><br />
<i><br /></i> Are you kidding me?! I have been applying day in and day out for the last two years, but of course, I had to keep it cool, calm and collected. I got a phone interview the next week. It was a complete turn around for me. Since March, I have been called back for a total of four interviews, each one going well and getting better as I continued. I was so nervous because I had been wanting this for so long and it was here. I got a tour of the news room and saw where the magic happens for each area of broadcast and I was in complete awe, I had dreamed of being around this at grad school. July, I was presented with an assignment to do that would serve as my last and final interview. I was determined to leave a good impression. I wanted this bad. With little detail and direction, I had to present a television show to everyone that I had been interviewing with prior. I am so grateful for all of those Communication and PR classes because although I felt I was doing it wrong or afraid it wouldn't be what they were looking for, it turned out to be <i>exactly</i> what they were looking for. Every area I broke down and provided with correlated methods was <i>"everything we do on the job"</i>. Hearing those words made me feel amazing, confident and excited that I was even in this position<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">— </span>without 3-5 years experience.<br />
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Four months after moving from LA and relocating back to Fresno, it all makes sense now. I wasn't supposed to go to Arizona State and it wasn't meant for me to stay in LA because the start of my career was somewhere I never thought it would be, home. I can happily say that I am now the new Account Executive for CBS and NBC new stations located here in the Central Valley. I personally couldn't have written a better story for myself, but God! I am so excited for this new chapter and finally starting my career! I look forward to building the way I hoped for my future and family to come. The possibilities are endless. The true essence of my life is just beginning and I couldn't be any more proud of <i>myself. </i><br />
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If you walk with God and trust him to move the pieces around, you will always reach your destination. If the plan doesn't work, change the plan<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "\22 arial\22 " , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">— </span>not the goal. Not getting in graduate school wasn't exactly a career delay at all, but it was a true blessing in disguise for something better. I never lost sight of what I truly wanted, even with the many disappointments and rejections I received. God didn't see it fit for me to go to school right now and that's absolutely fine because something great came out of the unknown. I still plan on getting a second degree, but for now, it's time to <i>really</i> start building.<br />
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Trust <span style="color: #444444;">HIM</span>.<br />
Trust your journey.<br />
&Believe<br />
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<i>Honor the space between no longer and not yet.</i><br />
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When God shows up, he shows up BIG and blessings come tenfold. Please don't stop chasing whatever it is you want to gain from this life. Know that anything that you put your mind to will come full circle on HIS time. Chase after dreams wholeheartedly and don't let discouragements keep you unmotivated. If need be, have your moments but continue to push forward. Speak<i> everything </i>into existence. You have more power of turning that dream into reality than you think. I truly hope my journey helps someone else because I know exactly what you're going through. It's worth it in the end.<br />
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With love,<br />
ACUnknownnoreply@blogger.com9Clovis, CA, USA36.8252277 -119.7029193999999836.6219782 -120.02564289999998 37.0284772 -119.38019589999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-4452588050097838462017-07-29T08:30:00.001-07:002024-02-07T15:06:08.094-08:00Rekindling a Love for My "Ordinary" Life | Mind-Shift Pt. 4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #444444;">Less scrolling, more living. That's the motto I've been practicing lately... mainly because it's so easy to get caught up in the glamor of everything we see. This world has shifted towards a<i> show all bare all</i> society where lives, even the simplest of gestures, have become a goal. Quite frankly in my case</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">―</span><span style="color: #444444;"> I grew to despise downplaying my own life because it didn't meet certain standards. What </span><span style="color: #444444;">standards?</span><span style="color: #444444;"> I couldn't tell you if I wanted to, but I'm sure anyone on Instagram creates their own "standard" by simply scrolling through their discovery page. It's a make-believe standard that has no purpose even crawling into our space, but it does and we allow it. </span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #444444;">This is the last segment to the mind shift series and today we're digging deep into <b>comparison</b>.</span><br />
<span style="color: #444444;"><br /></span> <span style="color: #444444;">I've caught myself far into someones Instagram feed before, fascinated by the aesthetic of their graphics, not even realizing I was subconsciously comparing my life. Not in an "Oh I wish I was her" kind of way, but more of a "dang, my life is boring" way. When in actuality, it isn't boring at all. The best and most precious moments of my life don't make it to social media and as I've grown, I put a high priority on the value of privacy. Something that you don't see a lot of anymore. However, the part of comparison that really bothered me was when I started thinking I wasn't doing enough because someone else was doing <i>it </i>(insert fierce snap here). Seeing someone doing all of the things that you desire to do can make you feel questionable about when your breakthrough is coming. I know because I've been there, but what's most important is reminding ourselves that<span style="font-family: inherit;"> s</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">omeone may be ahead of you now doing the exact thing you want to, but that doesn't mean you won't be taken further once your time comes. So comparison really isn't needed, you just have to take the time to teach </span></span></span></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">yourself mindfulness, because you can't move forward until you have honored where you are right now. Easier said than done, but true.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Any form of comparison can be harmful to your own growth process. So, I have been making sure I practice as much positivity throughout my day, every day. <span style="font-family: inherit;">I've been m</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">aking it a habit to slow down sometimes and enjoy the moments presented to me. To live a slower, more intentional life. I also have b</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;">een applying this new rule where as soon as I start to think something negative, I shift my thoughts on what I appreciate instead. It's very helpful. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">Choosing to be happy with what I have while working<b> </b>for what I want was the best decision I could have made for my peace of mind. You have to be</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">willing</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"> to accept and stop disapproving all of the good in your life that doesn't match up to your "ideal" life in your head. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span> <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Having dissatisfaction of your life isn't going to make your life any better. Even if you feel like you aren't where you want to be, you're a lot further than you were starting out. To minimize the stress you might feel, be reasonable with your expectations. Find perspective and ask why you feel the way you do in regards to someone else's life. Once you are able to identify the heart of the issue, you can begin to lead a more positive and purposeful path. Don't let your happiness depend on anything outside of </span></span></span></span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">yourself. I think we get in this mindset when we see others highlights and think it's <i>so much easier for them</i></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">— </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">when really, we all struggle to find our place in the world. So I believe it's key to focus on your plate and worry less about what everyone else is eating. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span> <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">I no longer allow myself to feel triggered or less than because of the rise in others successes. It was frustrating in the past because of constant strive and push to get through the fog. Constantly asking <i>when is my moment</i>? However, once you start living your life for you and let go of the idea of what it's supposed to be</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">―</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"> supporting other phenomenal, fearless and barrier breaking women becomes second nature because you're confident in your own direction. </span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;">It gets tiring always worrying and stressing about what's next or where you aren't in life. Be more present, you'll reach the next step.</span><span style="background-color: white; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Congratulate and genuinely support the next woman and be a positive reminder that we're more powerful together than we will ever be in competition. Stop thinking that everyone is ahead of you, you're right where you need to be and always remember no one's life is as put together as their Instagram feed. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span> <span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #444444;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span></span></span> <span style="color: #444444;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Here's to rekindling a love for my </span></span><i style="font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;">ordinary</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">, yet amazing life because you only get one and it's best to appreciate it</span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: inherit; white-space: pre-wrap;"> considering it could always be far worse. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-24587521319894922082017-07-24T08:30:00.001-07:002024-02-07T15:06:18.307-08:00Confidently & Unapologetically Self-Defined | Mind-Shift Pt. 3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've really been picking up on the growth happening within me lately. My mentality and perspective about things have shifted. I now respond and approach situations attentively. Every day it feels like I'm flourishing more in depth. I'm discovering more about myself as the days come and go. It's not necessarily a weird feeling, but it sure gives you a front seat to take notice of how you're evolving. I take pride in who I am as a woman, what I want out of my life and how I want my presence to be remembered. With all of that comes the art of conquering within through my own acceptance. Welcome to part three of the <i>mind-shift</i> series. Today's post is about <b>validation</b>.<br />
<a name='more'></a>Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. There is no one on this planet who can tell me who I am. Seeking validation is like asking other people to tell you what you're worth. I won't accept no one's definition of my life, I define myself. The things I used to trip on, I walk over now.<br />
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Throughout my life, I have been in situations where someone has boldly tried to tell me about who I am<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;">—</span> like I didn't even know myself, but people will always try to criticize who they <i>think </i>you are.<br />
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I used to ask myself all kinds of questions trying to figure out why people would think of me the way they did, but that never changed anything. I grew to not even care about people prejudging or misinterpreting who I truly was. Every single one of those people didn't deserve to know the <i>real </i>me.<br />
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I've reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste time with what displeases or hurts me. I have no personal space or energy for cynicism, excessive criticism, and toxic auras. I have no will to be guilt tripped to appease others comfort zones. I refuse to allow myself to coexist with pretense and above all else, I will not put forth my patience to areas and people undeserving.<br />
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You will <i>always</i> be too much of something for someone. I am secure in who I am. If I believe I can achieve my wildest dreams I don't need anyone else to believe me. If I think I want to dip my toes into a new field, I will. If I trust in myself, I don't care who else is against me. I'm walking my path led by God and I will always walk in the direction He tells me to go, even if I have to walk alone. It's a freeing feeling when you live life concerned more with how you listen to God rather than if anyone else will understand a call not meant for them.<br /><br />
If my confidence makes you believe I'm arrogant, so be it.<br />
If being positive and making the best of my situation makes you get the idea that I'm perfect, then I'm perfect.<br />
If you don't take the time to sit down, dig deep and get to know me, that's your loss.<br />
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I don't want my tone to come off rude but I'm more concerned with what I contribute to the world than if people like me. I get what I get because of faith and obedience, and I will not let anyone discredit how God decides to bless me. <br />
I don't mind a difference of opinions, but I do mind hate.<br />
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Being unapologetic means that you will be <b>all </b>of who you are. Don't shrink or compromise yourself by playing small so others won't feel threatened in your presence. Show up for your life and don't be ashamed, because at the end of the day nobody can tell you how to live your own life. Stop accommodating others and don't feel sorry for your power. Be proud of your achievements, be happy with how far you've come, take pride in good news and celebrate small victories with just as much enthusiasm as the huge. Don't bottle your greatness in, let it reach out and inspire those who need it.<br />
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Here's to fiercely and confidently owning all of me, unapologetically.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-61898116252275341552017-07-21T08:30:00.001-07:002024-02-07T15:06:29.501-08:00Go + Grow with the Flow | Mind-Shift Pt. 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm an overthinker. I over analyze the smallest of issues and get worked up when feats don't pan out they way I believe should. Spoken like a true control freak. Hashtag perfectionist. Here's what I had to cope and come to terms with: nothing ever happens like you imagine it will. When you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing.<br />
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You've found yourself in part two of the <i>mind-shift</i> series. Today's post will be on <b>endurance. </b><br />
<b><br /></b> Note to self,<br />
relax.<br />
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The hardest step I ever had to take was boldly trusting in who I was. To trust that everything is working out the way it's supposed to and to not resist. If you missed part one on eliminating your fears, catch up<span style="color: #f1c232;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;"><u><a href="http://www.ashleyavenu.com/2017/07/eliminating-fear-to-move-forward-mind.html"><span style="background-color: white; color: #999999;">here</span></a></u><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">.</span></span> Since facing my own fears and deciding to approach life with purpose, I realized that it's best to drop expectations. I'm on a new path and I'm allowing reality to simply be that<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">—</span> <i>reality</i>. It's an indescribable kind of flow. However, it makes a difference. Busying myself trying to force things to happen only makes the situation more stressful. Pushing against the current and getting nowhere. That's usually our first mistake, thinking God isn't working quickly enough so we attempt to take matters into our own hands only messing things up even more. Thankfully enough, when we just embrace and allow things to flow naturally for us, everything falls into place effortlessly.<br />
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When I chase after what I think I want, my life feels hectic, stressful and clogged. Once I allow myself to sit in my own place of patience<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">— </span>I feel refreshed, free and unstoppable. Plus, everything meant for me starts popping up once I stop being stubborn anyway. Life is easier on you when you stop analyzing, precisely planning, embrace the unknown and see what happens.<br />
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It's vital for us to be exactly where we are and not where we think we should be. Be present and I mean <i>be all there</i>. Fully. I believe our biggest defeat as human beings is believing that the next moment holds more importance than the one in front of us right now. Worrying about situations and devising scenarios that haven't even happened yet (whether it be ideally realistic or a complete affliction caused by our own overthinking) we miss out on a lot of life. Honestly, it's okay to slow down sometimes. It's okay for plans to be a little out of whack. It's okay to accept your present moments. Work with it not against it. You'll be presented with a lot of tough moments, but grow with them. There's no need to rush the greatness in your destiny.<br />
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The day I finally decided to release myself from trying to be two steps ahead of what's already written for me, was the day life was lived abundantly. It's quite beautiful if I must say so myself. Now, don't go thinking that I'm some mastermind of peace ok? However, my advice to you is: take it easy, breathe, relax and give yourself permission to chill. In fact, the question is whether or not you will allow yourself to be in touch with your present moments?<br />
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Moral of the story (or perhaps blog post in this instance) is to show up in every single moment like you're meant to be there. To be intentional through the good and the bad times. No matter how long your journey seems to be or how badly it seems you just can't catch a break<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">— </span>there is never more than the current moment. Trust and believe, you aren't missing a thing.<br />
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I'm no longer ashamed of the storms God forced me to go through. Life planted me here and God trusts in me to blossom gracefully.<br />
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Here's to enjoying all parts of life.. the joyful, questionable and downright irritating. Growth comes from all phases.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-67592276521370843172017-07-17T08:11:00.001-07:002024-02-07T15:06:39.841-08:00Eliminating Fear to Move Forward | Mind-Shift Pt. 1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I took a slight break away from the blog to unplug and fully embrace my vacay. While enjoying every precious moment throughout that mini break, I was able to reconnect with my creative flow. Although I didn't do much blogging, I did take in all of Gods creation and nature around me. This simple act of gratitude allowed me to tap into my innermost feelings, dislikes, and places for soul improvement. Watching the sunset on the lake is a serene sense of inspiration which allowed me to embrace ways to fix my thinking. Just sitting there in admiration... myself, nature and God<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">— absent from all the troubles of the world, gave me a renewed appreciation of life. A complete shift of mindset. A yearning desire to live my best life, but in a more reformed way than before. </span></span><br />
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Today's post is part one of my <i>mind-shift</i> series. The way we think of ourselves, our lives and the necessities we have now<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">—</span> </span>compared to what we desire from life, makes a big impact on what we actually manifest. So, I decided to do a series on shifting the attitude of your mind for the greater good. Starting with <b>fear</b>.<br />
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Why do we consume ourselves with fear? This one characteristic limits you from taking chances and trusting in yourself. I get it, failure is a scary concept to face, but your timidness of failure should never stop you. Staying in your little bubble of comfort will never introduce your strength.<br />
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Put yourself out there and see what comes of it. Often, we sit around thinking of these really brilliant ideas or projects and new skill sets we want to acquire but never take the opportunity to act on it. Then it's back to day dreaming about everything you <i>coulda shoulda woulda</i> did. Honestly, the only reason why fear devours our creative ideas, plans and actions are simply because of other people. You are scared to fail because of what other people might say or think. Nonetheless, success has already been engraved in our minds and the idea of what it looks like has been emphasized thanks to social media. So, if something doesn't work out for us as well as what's deemed successful<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454;">—</span> </span>we automatically label it as a failure. We have to <i>stop </i>doing that. Start by shifting your mind and asking one simple question. <b>What does failure mean to me?</b> Modify your own definition and decide what constitutes failure for you. Readjusting your thoughts will release all the anxiety you have. If society's criteria can't define your failure for you is there really any point to having fear?<br />
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Even then, failure isn't always about failed attempts. It's a tool, the foundation to rebuild you, your belief and the life you so badly strive for. Change your perspective of failure as an opportunity to grow. You simply can't live in fear while simultaneously trying to push forward. The universe senses that kind of confusion which results in stagnation. Stop going back and forth. You have to be purposeful with your thoughts, intentions and the words you speak out loud. If you want results, you have to take a chance on your capabilities.<br />
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Living in fear won't allow you to see your efforts succeeding. Most importantly, living in fear doesn't grant you the luxury of living a life of purpose and fulfillment.<br />
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Why<i> are</i> you scared of going after a life nobody can provide for you, but you?<br />
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Sometimes what you're most afraid of is the very thing that will set you free. When a purpose or path is laid before us, we have a choice to trust and go with it or remain stuck in fear. Which road are you picking today?<br />
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You have to eliminate fears in order to move forward. Fearful living only makes you fail yourself from not truly living and showing who you are and what you offer (whether you knew that or not).<br />
Be fearless with your attempts, the worst that can come from a failed outcome is humility and growth.<br />
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Lastly, conquering fears is less about conquering and more about facing. Be willing to observe all the positive possibilities you've been missing out on.<br />
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<span style="text-align: left;">Here's to renewed living. </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;">🥂</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-18838803109024631752017-06-22T08:30:00.007-07:002024-02-07T16:30:52.470-08:00How I Refocus My Energy Towards Self Awareness & Personal Growth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white;">Ever since I moved back to the Central Valley, I have been falling in love with taking care of myself. Although being a former student-athlete caused me to take very good care of my health and body, it's become more than just physical care for me. I still implement exercise and nutrition into my daily life, but I never pampered my </span><span style="background-color: white;">mind, body, and spirit. It's important to love yourself in all aspects, but also, analyze and critique yourself on how you think, act and behave. Self-love without self-awareness is basically pointless. So, I've been making sure I hold myself accountable. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">Every morning, I start my day by confronting things that hold myself back by journaling. I've been following Brittney Moses on Pinterest since I made one and we recently just connected on Twitter. She's all about health and mental wellness, so of course, I gave her app a look around. What I love the most about the app is the release of journal prompts that come out the beginning of every month. I started taking full advantage of these to master my own clarity and optimize productivity. Clarity has become the first focus for me in the mornings. Taking time out to make sure that my intentions are set for the day has become quite addictive, to say the least. True self-analysis is the greatest art of progress in my opinion. There is power in investing in yourself. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white;">This one simple activity has caused me to reveal my <i>true </i>self</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">—</span><span style="background-color: white;"> to myself. It's made me face doubts and fears that I seemingly push aside and bypass. However, once I started I was awakened by questions that truly made me dig deep and forced me to refocus on the importance of my own introspection while pursuing mindfulness. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white;">It's a humbling process ya know, self-reflection. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white;">In fact, I am shedding old ways and beliefs that no longer fit who I am becoming. I am present to myself. My priorities are harbored in sophrosyne because healthy boundaries are necessities. </span><span style="background-color: white;">I have made it a point to recharge daily and face all challenges I've formed within me. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white;">I know writing isn't for everyone, but it really does help. Your answers don't have to be an essay long, but getting to the meat of the matter when answering the questions allow you to identify opportunities for improvement. Self-love and self-awareness are intertwined and the most important components in blooming. One without the other only partially introduces you to your authentic self. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white;">Here are five questions from my journal prompt to make you hold yourself accountable and live outside comfort zones. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span> <span style="background-color: white;">1. How has your upbringing affected how you make decisions involving risk?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">2. How do you typically react to times of uncertainty? How can you do better?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">3. Is your sense of security more based on your control or God's sovereignty? How has this affected how you make decisions and deal with change?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">4. Give five examples of how you can be more present this week.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">5. If you had a month to live what would matter most to you this month? How does this compare to the way you've been living your life today?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white;"><i>If you'd like to refocus your energy towards self-awareness and personal growth I highly recommend getting the app<span style="color: #bf9000;"> <a href="https://appsto.re/us/8xK9ib.i"><span style="color: #bf9000;">here</span></a></span>. </i></span><br />
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<i>Want to start refocusing your energy towards becoming your best self, but without journaling? Take note of these self-awareness exercises below. </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #2c0e25; font-family: "u2000"; font-size: 18px; text-align: center;">↓</span></div>
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<li><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "u2000";"><span style="background-color: white;">Expand your emotional vocabulary by articulating how you feel.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "u2000";"><span style="background-color: white;">Question your motives, find 3 reasons for a decision. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "u2000";"><span style="background-color: white;">Weigh evidence before reacting.</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "u2000";"><span style="background-color: white;">Stop negative and critical self-commentary</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #444444; font-family: "u2000";"><span style="background-color: white;">Be accountable to your flaws</span></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "u2000";"><i>One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself. </i></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">Now I challenge you to be real with yourself. </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;"> <b>What is blocking your happiness? What steps are you taking to live beyond your fears? </b></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5Central Valley, California40.199877699999988 -122.2011075000000314.570025199999989 -163.50970150000003 65.829730199999986 -80.892513500000035tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-24239056130838425572017-06-11T10:54:00.002-07:002024-02-07T15:03:34.854-08:00When Life Gives You Lemons, You Build a Lemonade Stand and Profit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to actually wake up every morning, completely happy and excited about what you do in life? To never have to endure settling for "temporary" mediocrity to reach what you truly desire. Passing time until time finds you fit and gives you what you actually want. Some people are actually blessed enough to experience that feeling. The rest of us? We're still putting the pieces together, slowly but surely. We're getting there.<br />
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I'm patiently waiting for my moment, just like everyone else I know. I'm definitely not one of the people who immediately started doing what they love or set out to do after my college graduation. I will admit that I've struggled in the process of trying to get to that place and by no means is it my fault. I've tried endlessly, I mean what more can you do while trying to get experience and no one wants to give you the experience you need?<br />
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Find a job that passes time in hopes your dream job comes along the way.<br />
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I had one of those jobs... and the dream opportunity NEVER came my way. I mean, I had a nice setup, but nothing compared to what I <i>truly</i> wanted to do. It was close though. It was a move in the right direction.<br />
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Fast forward some time.. and the path is getting a little stale. I'm the kind of person who absolutely hates feeling boxed in or stagnant. I need to feel like I'm in steady movements forward in progress. When I tell you I felt stuck, it doesn't even bring justice to how horrible I felt. To top it off, I didn't even like the main job I was in.<br />
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ROLL IN THE DEPRESSION. *drum roll please*<br />
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Not even joking with you, I was completely and utterly depressed. I haven't really shared this information with anyone except my family, best friend, and boyfriend. So, you're getting this story real and completely raw. Completely open.<br />
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Post-college depression is real. I didn't even feel like my confident, outgoing and happy self. I completely changed as a person. It was rough. I cried almost every day, hid it well from some, but those closest to me got the best of my meltdowns. I was unhappy. Not unhappy from anyone in my life, but unhappy how my life was playing out. I felt like I wasn't doing crap but wasting time at a job I didn't even want to work at. Then what made things a little bit worse was that I was applying to jobs in my desired field literally EVERY.DAY. I can't even tell you how many I applied for but, trust it was enough to cause a headache. I could see myself feeling a little better if I got contacted by at least a couple of the companies I applied to, but nothing. Absolutely nothing. Zero. Nada.<br />
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So you can imagine my depression just worsening and growing deeper.<br />
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Here I was, fresh out of college, young, living in Los Angeles, California. One of the most sought after cities that sit on the glory of success... and struggling to even get an interview for something I spent four years studying. I dealt with this for almost two years. It was so easy for everyone else to tell me "just quit and get another job". It's easy, yes. However, complex.<br />
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I could have certainly quit and got another job, but I would have found myself<br />
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1. Still depressed<br />
2. Still unhappy<br />
3. Still searching for something else<br />
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In my eyes, there was no point. I dealt with all of my emotions and unhappiness for two years in a job that wasn't fulfilling. Now, that I look back on it.. it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do by staying in a job while feeling like that. A major cause of emotional destruction, but I held on and prayed.<br />
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As time went on, I felt like I needed a change in scenery. I needed to move somewhere because LA just wasn't doing it for me anymore. Don't get me wrong, it's one of the most beautiful and lively places to live, but it's definitely hyped up. I lived there for seven years and I just needed to go, but where? Maybe Texas, Michigan and a few more. Anywhere I felt like I could strive because reality check:<b> everybody isn't meant to thrive in LA right away.</b><br />
<b><br /></b> Then something great happens but I had confused, mixed feelings about. The company is closing my specific store, which means I'm either getting transferred to another location or getting laid off.<br />
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At the time it felt perfect because I was completely over working there, but bills.<br />
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I ended up getting laid off.<br />
<b><br /></b> So now I'm free of the main problem that's holding my greatness back, but I'm also unemployed and have no income. Plus, I'm over living in such a fast-paced city.<br />
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I think it over, talk to my family and boyfriend and decided that it was in my best interest to move and relocate. So I did. I moved back to my hometown and at first felt like I was a failure going back but here I am, four months of being unemployed, but the happiest I have been in a while. My head is in a much better headspace than it was months prior and I feel.. like me again.<br />
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The best part about the whole move is that I'm in a better place in this small little city than I ever was in LA. The day I left from visiting my family back to SoCal to move all my things from LA I applied, once again, to a job in my desired field. I got a call two hours later. Had a phone interview two days later. Then three more interviews after that. Then I got another interview in media again, WHAT?! DREAM <strike>JOB</strike> CAREER. Now, I'm awaiting my third interview and just got offered another great position and I've only been here for a little under three months. Compare that to the two years I endlessly tried in LA.<br />
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I say all that to tell you this.<br />
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<b>Sometimes you have to start somewhere small to end up somewhere big.</b><br />
<b><br /></b> Believe that the storm you are going through has a bigger purpose in the end. Never in a million years did I think I would end up back here, but God brought me back with a bigger purpose! Please, don't ever stop trying. Please don't ever write off possible blessings in disguise. Consider making moves to places you wouldn't think of going, it might just be the move for you. Evaluate everything you have on the table at all costs, don't count anything out. I'm currently in the best situation for me. I didn't immediately see it, but God keeps showing himself more and more. It's been a long time coming and a change has finally come. There's light at the end of frustration and discouragement, you just have to stick around to see it.<br />
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I'm now at a place in my life where I'm capable of doing everything I ever dreamed of doing. A career I love, buying a home to build in and enjoying my life fully, not partially. It takes time, yes. It takes endless amounts of patience, but it's a great feeling when you can actually see the pieces<i><b> finally </b></i>coming together after being patient for so long. Just trusting in yourself to come out of hard seasons gracefully, knowing you battled in your time of waiting makes you appreciate the process more.<br />
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You will get frustrated.<br />
You'll feel like you will never catch a break.<br />
You will doubt yourself occasionally.<br />
You will bend.<br />
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... but you won't break, so never give up on what you have your eyes set on.<br />
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Please, no matter how hard your season gets don't quit on yourself. I struggled, I cried and got frustrated many times! But I love the moves I'm making and the life that I'm about to live. Remember, sometimes God gives us mountains, just to take us higher. Trust me when I say, the struggle is worth it in the end. Although I'm not completely at the level I want to be at, I'm blessed and grateful for my storm shifting and now I can see the beauty it's creating. I still have a lot more to go and growth is still in full effect, but the most important thing of all is that I'm happily myself again.<br />
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I would love to hear from you. Have you ever felt like you can't catch a break? Are you discouraged in life post-college? Please, feel free to share how you are coping with this.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-13381255010210445152017-02-17T20:06:00.002-08:002024-02-07T15:06:51.449-08:00Unbothered | How to Move Beyond Negativity <div style="text-align: left;">
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Doesn't it seem like no matter how much you stay in your lane; somebody always has to swerve over to throw negativity? Always worried about what <i>you're</i> doing in <i>your </i>life. It's confusing actually because you don't do anything but live your life and that seemingly infuriates people. I often times wonder why people are so adamant on being vile and I have never been able to grasp the concept of worrying about someone else's life, mainly because 1.) it doesn't pay me and 2.) it serves me no purpose. The younger me would have let all the negativity, hate and ill wishes get to me. The way I used to look at it was: "I'm so kindhearted and easy to get along with, why would anyone hate or dislike me?" Now I see it as: "It comes with the territory." and I'll elaborate later. See, I'm the type of person that roots for everyone. I love seeing people accomplish goals and dreams. Seeing others happy, genuinely makes me hap<span style="font-family: inherit;">py<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;">—</span></span><span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;"> </span>even if I'm currently not in as good of a position as them. I cheer for people. I was raised to believe that there is enough sun for everybody to shine but see that's the sheer difference between an envious sou<span style="font-family: inherit;">l<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;">—</span></span> and mine. </div>
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No decision will pay off more than prioritizing your life and giving extreme focus + energy to things with the highest return. You won't be able to thank yourself enough the moment you decide to rise and mentally distance yourself away from what's being used to distract you. That's really all negativity is. Background noise and distractions. Being petty is fairly easy but stepping up a level to have peace of mind is truly fulfilling. Intermittently, we allow ourselves to fall into the mess others are propelling and stunt our own growth. Don't compromise your self-respect. <b>Starve your distractions and feed your focus</b>. It's hard being the bigger person, that's why most are incapable of stepping up to do so. You see shade being thrown at you and you have to be strong-willed and ignore it. You see the comments and you have to scroll pass like they don't exist. You refrain from addressing so much negativity because there's really no point to engage in tit for tat mini sagas. What you have to keep in mind is that people only do and say things for a reaction. They are so bothered by the fact that you're unbothered. So, it's best to let whoever say and think whatever they choose. Let them criticize the person they <i>think</i> you are because those who know the least about you, have the absolute most to say. </div>
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The number one rule to moving beyond hate is always staying gracious.<br />
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When you have a good head on your shoulders, strong in your faith, have morals and you're doing well for yourself<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;">—</span></span><span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;"> </span>you're going to have people who dislike you. Reason being, you have so much to offer, and it's noticed. They have no other choice but try to compete. Your inner beauty shines brighter than anything on the exterior. That's what gravitates people towards you. They either want to be included in your light or try to dim it down, while secretly wishing their own light was as lit as yours. At the end of the day, the best way to rise above a VIP is to do more of what they hate. You're already disliked for being unapologetically you, so continue being authentic and true. People can't stand when you're happy and doing good. This is what I meant when I stated: <i>"it comes with the territory" </i>no matter what you choose to do or where you go<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">— </span></span>the critics will be waiting. It all comes with the gig.<br />
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VIP= Vexed, Irrelevant People. Here's an observation I've come to realize about these kinds of people. Their main priority is to try and bring you down, for whatever reason, because of their own unhappiness. Typically, you would think that people would have better and more important things to do than keeping tabs and worry about you. Consequently, well-adjusted individuals are too busy being well-adjusted and happy. To be on someone's mind is to have power over them. Revel in the fact that they subconsciously reserve thoughts and energy for <i>you. </i><br />
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With all that being said, every time you take yourself to a new level; prepare for a new devil.<br />
Take no mess but spread no evil and just continue flourishing. Surround yourself with well-wishers and go-getters. Make peace a priority and negativity can't exist and always remember, the blessed don't beef with the miserable. Should you ever find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, smallness or insecurities, remember things could be worse<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #545454; font-size: x-small;">— you</span><i style="font-family: inherit;"> could be them.</i></span><br />
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Master the art of truly being unbothered. It's just beautiful seeing yourself be above all that... focused and unaffected. Let your light ignore, block and mute out negativity.<br />
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I tried to keep it short and sweet, but feel free to share, comment and indulge in positivity.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-75731729853274277902016-09-07T16:52:00.008-07:002024-02-07T15:41:14.563-08:00The Power of Forgiveness <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCEnS9b1ugj3yPME7LRBq6j1ooJOksuI22oq-bSJ949zuB1S562zvyE90yN79XiKX4q6WIMmoeWLyoX0ol3da1qvFIt-5iE7klqqquDyVAb1EsgaoOves304zjuRDggywnVJ0Lzzmws4r0DfsPPzFg6XKIIFRANHEbUmnAsRD7VOMeqqx8I_ZiVQiLHbHJ/s1384/power.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1384" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCEnS9b1ugj3yPME7LRBq6j1ooJOksuI22oq-bSJ949zuB1S562zvyE90yN79XiKX4q6WIMmoeWLyoX0ol3da1qvFIt-5iE7klqqquDyVAb1EsgaoOves304zjuRDggywnVJ0Lzzmws4r0DfsPPzFg6XKIIFRANHEbUmnAsRD7VOMeqqx8I_ZiVQiLHbHJ/s16000/power.jpg" /></a></div><br /><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">Forgiveness, the most graceful attribute but hardest action to do. As I was sitting around today, I stumbled across a message by Bishop T.D. Jakes about forgiving and I instantly found myself intrigued by the truth behind every word and wanted to touch on some important key points. My attention was initially sparked by one simple question. Why is it that we live in a society that celebrates people for being unforgiving?</span></div><br />
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It's true, so many of us hang on to anger and unhappiness and refuse to forgive people and for some reason we simultaneously see this as strength. Growing up we were always taught to forgive, and as children we were so forgiving with no hesitation, but a lot of us have neglected that quality as adults. Somehow, we've reluctantly conditioned ourselves to believe that having anger and "not needing people" while continuously living in misery is the highest indication of strength. When in reality, it takes even more strength to forgive than it does to remain hostile, cold hearted and petty. </div>
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<b><i style="background-color: white;"><blockquote>"Forgiveness is a big idea and you have to be a big person to be able to do it." </blockquote></i></b></blockquote>
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I'm starting to realize that most people cannot handle the greatness of forgiving because the task of forgiveness alone is too complex. Nowadays people are too petty, too sensitive and too easily offended, and it takes a much bigger person to embrace it.<br />
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"<b><i>Offenses <u>will</u> come." </i></b></blockquote><b><i></i></b></blockquote>
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You can try your best to dodge and avoid them, but they will come<span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"> over and over and over again.</span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #545454;"> </span>Dealing with offenses is what you signed up for in life. Situations aren't going to always be peaches and cream and you're going to face some difficult times, but it's how you rise above your offenses that alters your outcome. </span></span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><blockquote>"God will promote you to the level of your tolerance of pain." </blockquote></span></i></b></blockquote>
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If you can't take pain, your life will not be promoted to its next level because you can't handle the tests that are being thrown at you to allow you to grow from it. The biggest blessings come from the hardest storms and the storm that was sent to break you, is going to be the storm that God uses to make you. When you ask to be put into certain situations you are asking for problems, you're asking for offenses. You can't ask to eat and then get mad about the load of the feast that is brought to your table.<br />
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<b><i><blockquote>"New levels; new devils."</blockquote></i></b></blockquote>
The higher you rise; the more confrontation you will encounter and go through as you elevate. You must be able to handle these. It's important that we all learn how to be perpetually forgiven. As soon as you get offended, throw it off. You can't allow anything that doesn't positively nourish yourself to feed you, collect in your spirit, become toxic in you or take you out of your character. Whatever they did and whoever did it is not worth it. It is not worth allowing everything you have or are working towards become tainted by envy, resentment and hate. You have to learn how to shake it off.<br />
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If you're not careful, so much negative energy will fill your spirit and damage your attitude. The person that you used to be and the person you were on your way to be— ends up being caught in corrosions from all the toxic you receive. You continue to allow all the build up from all that has happened to you be stored away in grudge and that's the fastest way to self-destruct.<br />
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Don't collect so much offense that you use all of your energy to manage the culprit of your grudge. All of that energy wasted on being unprincipled, devious and low, could easily be energy that could be going towards an abundant and fulsome life, instead you are constantly allowing open wounds to remain unhealed and band-aid free and I guarantee you are the only one holding on to something that shouldn't even have power to alter your being.<div><br />
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<i><b><blockquote>"It's not about the perpetrator, it's about liberating the victim. I'm not going to live in where I've been, when I have an opportunity to cut the cord and live in where I'm trying to go." </blockquote></b></i></blockquote>
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Forgiveness doesn't mean that you have agreed to any of their wrong doings, and it doesn't mean that you are weak. It just means that you have too much in-front of you to even allow the things you need to put behind you, continue to leave you angry and bound by misery.<br />
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Sometimes people just are not going to ask for forgiveness. Should you let this stir up more anger and grudge? Absolutely not. Don't give people that much power that you put your life on hold waiting for them to get a clue. Whatever they owe <span style="font-family: inherit;">you</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: inherit;">—</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">an </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">apology, money or etc. do not wait on it. You may never get the apology or the money. But you can't lose peace over money or a sorry. Chuck it up and take it for what it is and move on. You can get more in what you're waiting for when you have some peace. Nobody else can cut you from your grudge but you and you have to come to terms and be able to cut yourself loose. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Reminder: You're too powerful to be that petty. Know how to recognize the devil's work and remove yourself from it. Pettiness is kids play. We've grown. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">God will never bless evil intentions. You have to allow people to wallow in misery alone. That's what they want to lay in, you want no parts. You have to check your attitude. When the devil is working, he will try to get you out of alignment and get in the way of God's blessing for you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Take in what's good, throw out what's bad and keep on moving. </span><br />
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<span><i><b style="font-family: inherit;"></b><blockquote><b style="font-family: inherit;">"Unforgiveness is a learned </b><b>behavior.</b><b style="font-family: inherit;">"</b></blockquote><b style="font-family: inherit;"></b></i></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white;">It doesn't </span>hurt your enemy; it only hurts and hinders progress for you.<br />
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It's time to start running our own lives and disconnecting from all toxicity and unforgiving spirits that feed on hate and gloat on unhappiness. There is so much power in forgiving, but you will never see the best versions to your life constantly complaining and being mad about what others have done to you. Do your part and remain a person of good value and don't let others alter who you are. You aren't the only person who has people hurting you. This is something you have to do for you, not for them. Simply <i>let it go. </i><br />
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-64570562875755506472016-03-10T10:41:00.003-08:002023-01-05T10:27:40.019-08:00My Story: A Diary Entry <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Passion. That's what this sport was to me. It was my love and the main focus and honestly a good reason for attending college, to begin with. It provided opportunities to visit places I probably would have never visited and introduced me to people who have made everlasting imprints on my life. I envisioned so much for myself as an athlete that I paid more attention to what I wanted from the track than what I wanted from Ashley. I thought this was who I was.<br />
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As young as fourth grade, I became a two-sport athlete. The first school I went to was a private Christian school that didn't have any sports. Then I transferred to my first public school. From there, I transitioned between basketball and track during the different seasons. That was really the root and start of my student-athlete life.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">By the time high school rolled around, I was primarily focused on basketball and wanting to play at the next level. I still ran track because it came naturally to me and it was always my first love, but my focus wasn't really on it like it should have been. I remember Ray, a family friend and also my trainer, telling my mom freshman year that I could go to good colleges if I quit basketball and put all my effort into the track, but I didn't listen. It took me experiencing politics and favoritism over natural skill and athleticism to eventually step away from basketball junior year. At that point, I didn't even like it anymore. So I did what I should have done as a freshman and focused on track for my senior year. I felt like I wasted so much time trying to play basketball that nobody really knew about me in track to even consider getting a scholarship somewhere. So, although I really didn't want to... I decided to go to a junior college.. and I didn't want to stay in Fresno, so we visited some schools in LA. I ended up picking a completely different school which turned out to be Long Beach City College and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. </span><br />
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Being at Long Beach really taught me how to grow and adapt to being on my own. It was scary at first, but I learned some valuable lessons while being there. I had an amazing coach who believed in me and my potential, which I kind of had in high school, but not completely. Coach K was her name and she was crazy, but a good crazy. I had never had a coach like her and she was exactly what I needed. Tough, blunt, and willing to help. When it was time for off-season training she asked what I wanted to gain during my time being at LBCC. I told her my goal was to get out after two years, to run in the California Community College State meet and get a good amount of scholarship offers from schools so that I had a choice.. specifically full ride so my mom wouldn't have to come out of pocket for my tuition. She was the first coach that believed I could go somewhere other than where I was telling her I wanted to go, which was Northridge at the time. <br />
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To give a summary, freshman year at LBCC, I didn't make it to the state by one spot. The disappointment was real. So, the determination and work effort going into sophomore year increased. I was going to go to state. I was going to receive offers. I was getting that full-ride scholarship. <br />
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Don't ever doubt the power of speaking things into existence. I punched my bid to the state championship meet the following season and I ended up getting offers from schools in Texas, Louisiana, and around California. However, Long Beach State was recruiting the hardest and really made me feel like I was already a part of the program. That's where I saw myself going and I started to pay less attention to the other schools. However, the joy of having a full ride there slowly changed to solely being offered books, and I decided not to sign there. Then as I was getting my visit set up with UTEP, the coach leaves. I had basically written off the other schools and I wasn't sold on going to Louisiana.. and then I suddenly found myself stuck with no options. After checking off every goal I set for myself that year, it seemed like everything was slowly going downhill. I had no idea what was next.. or where I was going to go to school. To be completely honest, I thought I was going to end up back at LBCC. <br />
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About a week after the state championships Coach K calls and says that a coach wants me to come to visit. This is great news considering how drastically things changed. I then asked her what school and she replied Cal State LA. My first thought was " I don't want to go to a Division II school"... but I went on the visit anyway, because... I didn't have any other options.</div>
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Cal State LA offered me a full ride. I thought it over for about a week and decided that I was going to sign my LOI. At this point it wasn't even about what division I was going to be competing in anymore, it was about getting a free education and being able to do what I love every day. <br />
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But, wait a second. It sounds like it got good, but it turned for the worst. <br />
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Cal State LA uses the quarter system for their academic school year, so we weren't going to start school for about a month. It's August and the athletic coordinator from the school contacts all the transfers and incoming freshmen saying that our coach basically resigned. Well isn't that great news? I just signed to go somewhere with no coach. She says we can still choose to come and run for Cal State LA or leave and talk to other schools. I can't leave at this point where will I go? Most schools have already started or about to start classes. So, I decide to stay. <br />
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We had no coach from September to about a couple weeks before the first indoor meet. Mind you, the indoor season begins in early January. I had never run indoor and on top of that, I've never done off-season training without a coach. We all knew the upcoming season wasn't going to be good for us at all. I asked almost every day when were we getting a coach and I just kept hearing "We are still interviewing candidates". I even tried to convince Coach K to take the position. Finally, before Christmas break, we got our coach after months of having practiced with the athletic director.<br />
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All I can say about that first year at Cal State LA is, I should have redshirted. I was being turned into a quarter-miler and it just threw off all kinds of frequency in my running. It was a struggle. I hated the 400. But I was always forced into doing it because of my build. I did none of the events I actually earned my scholarship for and I ended my season after the conference 400m prelims due to an Achilles injury. <br />
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That season ends and guesses what? Our coach gets fired. Once again we started off with no coach ( I was rehabbing anyway) but I was pretty sure it was going to be the same as the year before. <br />
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Then Coach T joined the program from USC. Everyone was pretty excited. Especially since Lionel Larry was on staff, as well as former Olympian Barbra Ferrell-Edmonson, "Coach E". <br />
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We finally got a good staff, but my last couple of seasons under them felt unfair... unfair because I felt like I finally got some quality coaching, but they were doing so much to help fix everything the last coach messed up.. and I didn't get a lot of time to actually be coached by them considering I was entering my last season of eligibility for outdoor. My season started off good, but then quickly went downhill. I was doing two a day practices almost every day at the beginning of the season to get on pace with where I should be, even on days we had hard workouts. I would do a solo 7 am practice with Coach E, go to classes, have regular team practice with Coach E and T, go to night class, then study hall, and eventually home to get back up and do it again. That was my schedule because I was determined.. only free days I had were meet days. I ended up having another injury, later on, this time tendonitis in my knee. I had dealt with it before, but not to this extreme. I could barely walk..resulting in me sitting out the first two indoor meets the next season and things just weren't going how I planned, of course. I eventually just tried to stop focusing on everything I was trying to do and times I wanted to run. I just tried to enjoy my last indoor season and soak it all in, because I wasn't having fun with it anymore. It needed to be fun for me like it used to be because I would never get to do this experience again. My last season wasn't great, but it was a whole lot better than the years before and I got closer with my coaches.<br />
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To sum it all up, I was basically frustrated that I knew I could run times that I wanted because I did it in practice, but for some reason, it just wasn't happening for me. Goals, dreams, and everything else went out the window.. and my time running track at Cal State LA resulted in me starting to hate track over time. Never in a million years did I ever think I could hate the track, but I did. I got to a point where I was over it. I was tired of people seeing so much in me and finally seeing my talent that I've always known I've had... and working my butt off with nothing to show. My whole entire college career after transferring felt like a game of catch-up, a waste of time, and a big joke. I was better than this, so why wasn't anything working out? <br />
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It sucked, seeing girls you ran against in high school doing so well when that's where you were trying to be. I learned a lot about myself during this time. I got to a really low place. I didn't really believe in myself anymore. I let what I wanted from track and what other people thought to consume me and when it wasn't going how I envisioned it to go from the moment I signed to Cal State LA, it ate me up.<br />
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In my mind, I was done. However, after talking to coaches and being told not to quit just yet... Coach E took over and slowly, I started liking it again. She is an amazing coach, but.. the reality of not being a college athlete anymore and needing money to pay bills interferes with trying to train. So I've had to put something I love on the back burner...</div>
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It's something that I'm still trying to cope with. It's even hard covering stories on other athletes journey to the Olympic trials sometimes.. and I think the reason why it's so hard for me to walk away is that none of us, my family.. my coaches, and especially myself, didn't get the chance to see how good I could actually be.. with some solid, consistent training and not having to deal with what I dealt with in college.</div>
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Going pro is every athlete's dream, but I wasn't trying to have that as a career. Being a reporter and journalist is what I want out of a career. Track.. track was just a passion and a personal goal of mine, to see if all the cards were stacked right if I could achieve it.. and once I did... I would be content.</div>
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I guess the most important lesson I've learned from my own story is that God will lead you in a direction, just to set you on a different path. I believe he used the track to allow me to get my degree.. and I also believe he used everything else that went on in between to lead me to what I'm doing now. To truly get an understanding of the person I am outside of running track and what I truly want out of life. My ambitions. Career goals. Allowing me to get out of Fresno. Pushing me to get my master's. To have me cross paths with people like Coach K and Coach T..Coach E. All of my teammates along the way, who is still by my side supporting me.. and to use me as an outlet to share other's stories, while still being able to be a part of the track in a way. </div>
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The moral of the story is don't try to fight the path he's trying to lead you in. You may not understand it. You may not like it and it may not be what you even want... but he's doing it for the greater good. Who knows.. maybe after I achieve becoming a top media maven. I can try to give it another shot. But for now, I still have at least one of my dreams within arms reach and I have a lot of good memories from college I can share with my kids someday.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7613032267734902437.post-84287772896661385822016-01-26T17:22:00.002-08:002024-02-07T15:03:18.237-08:00Things Didn't Go as Planned.. Is There Even a Plan Anymore?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"<i style="font-weight: bold;">To the California State University, Los Angeles graduating class of 2015.. you have overcome great battles and today marks a significant core piece in the journey you've had here. You are now a part of the 30%, Congratulations -- you made it!"</i><br />
*cheers and excitement and blow horns fill the air*</div>
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That last portion of the President's speech on my graduation day that early morning in June will forever stick with me. I remember feeling an abundance of joy because I was actually done with school. Excitement because I know that I made my family proud and relieved because I know all of the stress I endured throughout the whole entire process... I worked my butt off to see this day. There was a combination of emotions, but appreciation would probably be the best fit to describe it all. Simply because I was grateful for being able to attend a University and get my education for free by being a student-athlete. It was a long and overwhelming journey at some points. Juggling being an athlete <b>AND</b> a student isn't as easy as most may think.. there's double of everything and it can be overbearing at times, but the outcome and experience are well worth it all.<br />
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Now, fast forward to 7 months later (from graduation) and 10 months since I completed my undergraduate curriculum<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;">—</span> I feel as though the vision I had for myself after graduation is kind of.. diminished. Call me crazy, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who held themselves to a high standard or expectation for life post-college. See, I had a plan. Go to college. Graduate. Get a job. Build a career. Be successful. Be happy.<br />
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However, as we all know things sometimes just don't go as planned.<br />
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I know that everything takes time and you have to be patient for what you want, but I honestly feel like I'm just existing in this world.. when I want to live. I want to enjoy my life and actually feel as though I'm working towards something. I've been told numerous times that a lot of people, especially graduates, end up in jobs they completely hate before they get into the field they truly want to be in. Makes sense.. but I'm tired of doing that.<br />
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I went to school to ultimately pave my way into the Broadcast Media world (Plan A).. or work behind the scenes with the NBA/WNBA in basketball operations and communication departments (Plan B) .. but getting my foot in isn't the easiest of tasks. I apply to jobs almost every day so that I can start building the career path and the vision God's placed within me, some that I know I qualify for and even some I know I don't. I'm just trying to get myself out there.<br />
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I sit here thinking to myself like <i>what's next?</i> <i>what are the next steps?...</i><br />
<i><br /></i> I never imagined it to be this hard and this draining to get into my career. I mean that is why I got the degree, to begin with.. right? I didn't think I would be that person who wakes up completely miserable every morning because I have to go to a job for 8 hours that I don't even like.<br />
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I vowed that I wouldn't stay at the job I'm in now no longer than a year, naively thinking I would easily be able to get a position (any position) in the career I want within that set time frame. I'm now at month 8.. and sometimes I ask myself what I'm even doing.. what am I even working towards.. and sadly, what do I even WANT to do. I find myself applying to jobs that would be a dream come true that I'm qualified for, hoping that it'll all fall into place for me... but I also noticed that I was just applying to other jobs in hopes to get me out of the one I'm at now.. and I hate that. It's like I'm settling, but don't really have any other choice but to do exactly that and me being the person I am<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;">—</span> it drives me insane.<br />
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It's a shame how lost you can feel after such an accomplishment that nobody can take away from you, that you earned. A piece of paper that you dedicated sixteen or more years to get. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to even have a job, to begin with.. but I refuse to get comfortable and I absolutely won't allow myself to get complacent with where I'm at right now in life. I want more.<br />
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Now all the questions roam through my mind.<br />
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"Do I wait it out and pray on it and stick through how I'm feeling and wait for a position in my dream career?". "Should I just quit the job I'm in right now and go to grad school?". "Is a graduate degree in Journalism even worth all the trouble and money for the career I want to be in..?". Back and forth, back and forth. This is an everyday thought.<br />
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Everyone's journeys are different. Situations turn around for others far before they may turn around for you. Something I try to remember. However, it's naturally impossible to not question when my time is coming when you see your friends and so many others post-college success growing. I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready to start doing actual adult things. I want my own place, but the cost of living in Los Angeles is ridiculous and my little job can't even cover that. Right now, I just feel like I'm wingin' it.<br />
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To put it in a more simple statement, I guess you can say that I honestly feel like I'm wasting time... at twenty-four years old I feel like I'm reaching near a quarter-century mid-life crisis soon. (let me not be so dramatic lol) However! Trying to get experience without anyone willing to give you the experience, because you don't have the experience<span face=""arial" , sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-size: x-small;">—</span> has to be the most frustrating thing in the world. All I really want is a chance. I'm not really sure if others feel like this or if I'm the only one who feels this way, but it sucks.<br />
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Is there even a plan anymore?<br />
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I'm not a stranger to curveballs and bumps on the road at all. I've dealt with many.. just to get where I am now.<br />
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I guess the most important thing to remember is that even with all the curveballs you've been thrown and the many detours your journey takes.. the way you handle it will speak for what you've learned along the way.. the strength you gained from it all. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how lost I may be and no matter how much I may not know what my purpose is just yet. I can genuinely say that I will not give up. I might bend a few too many times, but I will not break.<br />
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..and if there's possibly anyone else who feels anything remotely close to this.. use this as a way to stay positive when your mind is getting poisoned with all of the negative.<br />
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Note to self,<br />
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It's okay if you don't have everything under control. It's okay if this isn't in your plan. God has something so divine and ready for you all planned out better than you could ever imagine. Let your faith carry you. Let him lead you on his terms, not yours. Let him bring you through once he feels you are ready. Let him prepare you for it all. So stop being a control freak. Everything will fall just the way it needs to. It's a journey, not a race. Enjoy the journey.<br />
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I alone need to honestly refer back to this myself and may we all see a breakthrough soon.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2