I Got Checked by God

1.20.2019 Fulton District, Fresno, CA

Have you ever been checked by God? I mean a full-fledged confront? I hadn't until this week. It's officially been two months since I've stepped into my entrepreneurial journey and it hasn't been all #GirlBoss positive quotes and pretty images. Not saying that's what I expected it to be like because believe me, I didn't. I honestly didn't even anticipate for it to be the slightest bit of easy. I had visions of me crushing it of course, who doesn't, but two months in? Absolutely not. When I walked away from television I started working on everything God was throwing at me. Early mornings, late nights + lots of webinars and research. I was so passionate about developing something of my own (teamed up with God of course). Co-creating with the creator. It was exciting!

This process has been giving me better practice on breaking out of my worst characteristics, impatience being the main one. Don't get me wrong, I have gotten a lot better over the years, but I'm still human and I do still struggle with it a bit. When you are excited about what you're doing it's easy to get ahead of yourself. You see things going one way but it might not be the wisest choice for your particular calling/vision. This vision was definitely one given by God and he helped orchestrate the blueprint for it all. The business plan stated that I was going to file under an LLC, but because California business taxing is so high, I was going to wait and file in the state I plan on expanding to in the near future.

I'm new to all of this and with the emotional help of my entrepreneurial dad/family and boyfriend, I'm doing my very best and getting through. However, realizing you have to backtrack and kind of start from the beginning in some areas is frustrating.

From the beginning, people have thrown out the non-profit route and I didn't want to do it that way. Part of me was a tad uneducated on non-profits as a whole and on the other hand I was just getting too far ahead (vision wise). I believe it's perfectly fine to think of where you want your business to be in terms of the big leagues and I know I want to have a powerhouse athletic firm one day. That vision alone was what was complicating things for me.

I was a little too focused on building a dynasty and the profit. Every entrepreneur wants to earn money from their ideas and business, yes. However, sometimes its bigger than that and God checked me, my intentions and my heart quick when this subject of having a non-profit came up yet again.

I'll never sugar coat anything on my site. You always get the real me and raw experiences. I'm not ashamed to say that I slowly started getting caught up in how much money I could potentially make with this business idea. I'm not ashamed to say that the devil would get me annoyed and irritated when it was suggested that I go that route because I was looking at the money too deeply. I was hung up on it being my brand, solely, when I'm actually just the vessel doing Gods work. His Co-creator. He's the CEO, not me. I've never thought in such greedily ways before in my life. Everything was me, me, me, me. What I wanted.

Until the other night when I got checked completely.

I felt God tugging at me in a way of saying "Ashley this isn't why I gave you this vision, this isn't the way I intended for you to go... this isn't the purpose of your calling.."

Deep down inside, I knew that too.

My business was never about me. I was never supposed to be the most important piece to it. That's why my name isn't associated with it. I did that on purpose and somehow lost sight of that worrying about how I'm trying to create a powerhouse athletic firm in the near future. Well, that's fine and dandy.. but my duty is to better those I am trying to serve FIRST. This isn't a ploy to look important on social media, it's not a following of trends it's a divine assignment. A mission.. for me to touch as many young lives and change family dynamics, cycles for the betterment of our communities.

So when I got confronted with my own selfishness, I was disappointed in myself. That's not me, nor is it the kind of heart I have.

I went on to educate myself more and turns out, a non-profit is the best option for me right now starting out and when I realized that, I was thankful God brought me back to what this journey is all about. What I'm set out to do. It's all bigger than me... and sadly, I was almost my own downfall.

Moral of the story: make sure you aren't getting in your own way.

I'm still embracing all of the cuts and corners of my path. I'm still learning and being introduced to different parts of me that are brought out by different scenarios I find myself in. If I were to continue on and passively ignore what needed to be addressed, I wouldn't be truly living through my self-discovery. These are the ugly sides that help me become a better woman as a whole. Facing my flaws that could harm such a beautiful cause. This is entrepreneurship.

There's nothing wrong with continuously learning about yourself. Often times we don't even think we would react in certain ways until it's presented to us. The glamour and recognition are so easy to get caught up in. Even when you haven't reached that high yet. The thought that it can happen and the glimpse of opportunity is enough to get away from yourself.

I'm sure that this is one of many valuable lessons I'll go through in my journey— but the woman it's turning me into is phenomenal. I have no problem sharing this because I'm in my own lane.

Here's to continuing this walk alongside God as he opens my mind, spotlights areas in need of growth, plants seeds and improves every part of me.

Post a Comment

© Ashley Avenu. john 15:5 .