Girlfriendology: Surviving Friendships in Your Twenties

I bet when you read the title to this post, you thought of all the severed friendships you've gotten rid of as you've progressed in life. Friendships seriously are equivalent to the survival of the fittest. Who fits and who needs to be dismissed? It's like a constant audition trying to determine if someone is right for this important role. Often times, we have to make some cuts and that's okay.

I've had my fair share of disappointing friendships, so hopefully, you can relate.

Friendships in your twenties, I mean 100% authentically real friendships in your twenties are kind of hard to come by. Sounds a bit like a relationship but to be honest, it kind of is. What you look for in a friendship holds some of the same standards you expect out of any relationship, which also includes just as much work and effort to keep it going.

I personally have been blessed to be able to call the same six girls I've known since middle school my friends still. Which you don't really hear too often. I've literally watched each of them grow, graduate, get engaged or married and now starting families of their own. Most of us live in different cities, quite frankly all of us do. However, I still get this sudden realization of amazement like "wow, Brittany really has a baby.." or "Jayla and Se'Nyce are really getting married!" whenever we get together.

It might not sound like a big deal to you, but trust me when you see life happenings unfolding with women you have known since baby phat and apple bottom jeans.. you'd be astonished too. Luckily enough, the six friendships I have held with them for over ten years is one of those dope kinds of friendships where we don't talk every day but every time we link up it's like nothing has changed.

Yes, all six remain intact just like that. There are times where we go months without talking to each other, but as young professionals, we understand that we're all working hard to get our lives going.

But, enough about hometown childhood friendship I'm talking about the friends we meet when we leave home and go away to college. I call them College Besties lol.

Boy, do I have an experience here.

Let me just say that I'm skeptical of friending other women (in real life) and I've always been this way. No, I'm not one of those "I rather have a bunch of guy friends than girls because it's less drama" types of people. I personally just don't trust women right off the back because I don't have the time nor the energy to be dealing with unnecessary shade, fake love, and competition. So when I'm around people for the first time I often times don't speak much. I'm really big on vibes so half the time I'm feeling you out to see if we will mesh or clash, which also gives people the idea that I'm stuck up. No surprise there! Regardless, women aren't really the friendliest these days, to begin with.

Finding valuable friendships to have in your corner is a task in a half. I mean yeah, I'm sure we all have our day ones back home, but you learn so much about yourself and other people as you get older. It seems like the deeper you get into your twenty-something years, the more people start to drop like flies. The older I get, losing friends just feels like I'm cutting dead weight. I started realizing after friendships ended that I was the one who was constantly the caregiver, the checker upper, and the listener. I got to the point where I wanted to be over protective with myself that I didn't have any issue cutting anyone off for having the wrong energy. 

I mean, I've dealt with "friends" who've literally been pissed at me for taking care of my own priorities. Friends who believed someone else's word over mine. Friends who showed their true identities and friends who needed the reassurance of our friendship by talking every single day. If that ain't some nonsense child, I don't know what is.

I got to the point where I realized, Ashley... it's not you, it's them. I might be one of the few people left who truly value the meaning of friendships, but because of it I simply look at it like this...

 Don't get around me if you don't want to evolve. 

I now allow myself to grow past certain people because it only helps me lose those masquerading as friends in the end. My circle now is small, like really small to the point where I often times blurt out that I have no friends. The difference is, I'm okay with it. The love from the people I have in my life now is enormous and undoubtedly genuine. 

Know the difference between those who stay to feed the soil and those who come to grab the fruit.

Cultivate your circle and only let certain people in. 
Less is definitely more. 
Simplicity and clarity always lead to a good design for strength and durability in your friendships. 

Now that I think about it, my twenties have held many conditional friendships with conditional support. Which ultimately made me start taking note of who claps for me and who doesn't. My definition of friendship changed the more my life evolved, but most importantly the right people showed up to match with me perfectly. 

Throughout my experiences dealing with friendships, I took notice to the three types of friends we encounter. 

Your childhood friends that you have known most of your life. The "college besties" that you meet at the beginning of adulthood, but probably keep one or two if you're lucky. Then there are the friendships you develop as your true adult life starts to flourish. 

Either way, always remember that some people just aren't meant to stay. Don't try to hold on to conveniences and figure out what went wrong. The friends who do stick around, become your tribe. They rally behind you for things big and small and will be there to no end. They are the ones who remind you that a blip in the road is just that, a blip. Your childhood friends are there to guide you and keep you grounded and on track. If you keep any college besties, these are the people you turn to reminisce when things get hectic. The ones who come just in time to see you flourish, these are the people who are likely to share the same interests as you outside of the friends you've known all your life. All in all, each group not only fuels but is able to satisfy different parts of you that you need. 

It's important to make sure you find these golden relationships because there is nothing like the support from another woman who just simply gets it on all levels. Value those outlets and cherish the simple notions from your girls when they show you they truly care. There isn't anything else like having girl talk and feeling empowered while being backed and pushed through all the battles of your journey. Even offering peace of mind when you just can't seem to deal with the stress of life at the moment is refreshing. The luxury of having a girlfriend you can turn to in the end is a true testament of surviving the many friendships you had to unplug and disconnect from. Always surround yourself with people who want to see you win. 

A lesson in girlfriendology that we all can appreciate. Quality always trumps quantity.  


  1. I love you and this blog. I miss you so so much hope you are doing well <3

    1. Thank you! I believe this is Celine lol, I miss you too girlie ☺️ I'm doing great hope all is well for you too.

  2. That was one long read. It was more than worth it. Most importantly, it was true. My friend clique has reduced to basically three people. It's just a funny thing. The only reason being that the ones around me refused to evolve. Eventually it's all worth it. Even a flower needs pruning to be beautiful.

    1. Yes! It can be hurtful in the beginning because of the relationships you formed but most definitely helpful in the end! Gotta cut dead end friends.