12.31.2017

It's Time to Stop Advancing on Fruitless Effort


From the looks of it, 2017 was a trying year for a lot of us. We all struggled in some way and appreciated the way it uprooted our perspective and growth. As this rough, but needed chapter closes.. we reflect on everything it took to get here and those we had to let go of, maybe even the ones we tried to hold on to. The positive energy as a fresh start ushers its way in is great. We've all been planning and setting the tone of what next year will look like for us, the work we are holding ourselves accountable to put in, as well as new ventures wanting to be explored. Claiming everything we want to create for ourselves. So, while we're noting what we're taking with us and leaving behind this year, I felt compelled to make sure we touched on an important issue that can no longer be a repeated phrase every time a year comes to an end. Let's talk about unrequited devotion.


There will be no such thing as getting your time wasted in 2018. 

Let's just claim that now. We're ahead of that from here on out, simply because (in all honesty) we see the signs far before we even get to the disappointments. We have a special gift and it's called intuition. You'll save yourself a lot of time when you recognize the effort you are putting in is completely one-sided. This can go for relationships and friendships. Sometimes, we're overly devoted to those who don't devote the same care, thoughtfulness, and support as we do. Equally important— when you are aware, you can't make excuses for the party who chooses not to reciprocate what you're giving. See why that's equally important? You're choosing to continue to pour effort into someone who is giving you every reason not to. I'm an incredibly understanding person. I'm considerate and I give people the benefit of the doubt, but putting off how someone interacts with you and disregarding how you feel is compromising, and for what? You can't force someone to pay attention to you, wait it out to see if they give you their time or reciprocate feelings that they don't want to share.


At some point, there has to come a time where you decide to stop discrediting how you feel for the sake of keeping someone in your life and being underappreciated. The problem is this: you want them to fit into your life when they can't. The second problem: you keep finding an excuse to make a way when all the signs are there— disinterest, lack of communication, unsupportive and indirection. Don't let minimum effort be the driving force to keep ignoring signs and entertaining the idea that there's an effort at all. Continuing to provide someone all that you have and getting nothing in return is a runaround, and it most likely won't go anywhere. Let me correct something else. Stop giving life to the idea that you have a permanent "waste my time" sign tattooed on your forehead that's attracting the wrong people towards you. Rather, consider the similar characteristics you keep finding yourself attracted to that result in being in the position to get your time wasted. That's where you begin  at the root. You're steady putting your all into someone and going out of your way to please people who have no intentions of taking advantage of it (let alone appreciate). Then, you find yourself upset and worked up over the fact they showed you how they've been acting all along, but this time the magnifying glass presented the issue a little clearer.

Whew.

If you feel like you are constantly getting your time wasted, pay attention to the way you feel when interacting with these people. Stop brushing things that hurt or offend you off and if you're disrespected let it be known. Most importantly, stop advancing with little effort and trying to force it to grow into something bigger. People will only do as much as you let them. They will use, abuse and drain everything out of you if allow them to. The best way to go about this is to reciprocate equal effort. If it's slim, stay there. If it's more, increase it but don't be the only one planting the seeds and watering them daily. See, There are a lot of people who aren't really with you, they're just tagging along and doing the bare minimum. They're not trying to participate and do the work with you they simply just want to take up space and collect the dirt because you allow it.

In like manner, for those who seem to show genuine interest and intentions with no warning signs, let this be the year you acknowledge that people you expect love and support from are not always the ones who will give it to you. The key is to stop expecting so much out of people just because you're providing all of what you'd like in return to them. They aren't obligated to return it, once you realize that, you'll no longer find yourself upset that you put time and energy into a person who wasn't the least bit open to receive it.

Wasted time is the result of a forced action. Pay attention to the friendships/relationships you have with people that feed important parts of your soul and pour that same nourishment back into you. Stop rushing love because you want to be happy like everyone else around you. You don't have to pay attention to everyone who shows interest that you're attracted to. Be in tune with your feelings. Get rid of excuses for people who are no good for you. History doesn't make you obligated to stick around. Only water those who water you.

In 2018, take better and overly protective care of your heart, time and energy.
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